Because Knowing is the First Step to Understanding

For the first time ever, I’m writing a post where I’ll blatantly beg you to like, comment and share. This is because I feel strongly about what I’m going to say, and my gut tells me others may feel the same. My son doesn’t want me to share this—he doesn’t want anyone to know—but one look at his cracked and bleeding hands will tell you that something is very, very wrong.

I’ve been honest about how this past year-plus sucked. My hometown was blown away by a tornado. J lost his grandmother and other grandparents have been in the hospital. Ant had a third grade year from hell, and lost a classmate. I haven’t told you about what’s going on in K’s life, though. And, I still won’t tell you much about it, because K is fifteen and he has a very big say in what I can talk about on the internet when it comes to him. Keep in mind, my teenage son boycotts social media and hates it when classmates post pictures of him on their Facebook pages without his permission. The revelation I’m about to give you is something we’ve not even told all of our family, to date.

I do want to tell you what’s going on, though. Part of it is my selfishness; I want my tribe, my people, to surround me and comfort me and uplift me and make raucous jokes with me so I can get back to some semblance of normal. And part of it is to dispel the taboo and the mystery of mental illness that seems to be becoming even more pervasive in our society today.

As my son begins to tell others in his circle (and he will have to soon, as friends and family both are starting to notice a difference in him), I want people to understand and support him; not stare at him and avoid him. I want people to make jokes about this with him (not about him), and listen to him when he needs it, and not think, in the back of their minds, that he’s crazy or why won’t he just stop already or that he might shoot up the school he attends. Because that’s what all people with mental illness do, right? They either kill themselves or they kill other people?

That’s not how it works at all, folks.

My teenage son has been diagnosed with and is now being treated for OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). We’ve been told that his is an acute case. Supporting him and standing with him through this endeavor has been the most difficult experience of my life. Answering his questions, allaying his fears, being his champion; all of these have become daily tasks. I’ve told a handful of people—those who have a need to know-- and their reactions have been across the continuum: from acceptance and support to avoidance to blatantly ignorant and rude commentary. Thankfully, most of it has been acceptance and support. Thankfully, I have a tough skin for the few who have not been supportive.

Obsessive compulsive disorder involves a chemical imbalance in your brain. It is an anxiety disorder-- a big one. There is nothing one could do to cause it, and 3% of our population has it. It may be genetic (as in, they’ve found a suspicious gene that many people with OCD seem to share). It certainly appears to be hereditary. People seem to be predisposed to get OCD. Those who have family histories of anxiety disorders are more likely to have OCD. Depression often comes along for the ride because 1) the chemical that’s not acting correctly, serotonin, oftentimes is a culprit in depression, and 2)  the horrible thoughts that continually pervade one’s mind (obsessions) and the elaborate, time-consuming, seemingly meaningless  rituals (compulsions) that one must complete to get rid of the terrifying thoughts can really drain a person.

OCD can be difficult to treat because most people want to hide what they are doing or the disturbing thoughts they wish they could get rid of. I won’t tell you about how we came to have our suspicions, or how we came to find out—but I will tell you that what we witnessed, what we suspected; it was only the tip of the iceberg. The rest came rushing out of K in an avalanche.

OCD can be difficult to treat because anxiety disorders are often misdiagnosed. OCD can be difficult to treat because the irrational fears and pervasive thoughts can concern health fears or distrust of the health professions. OCD can be difficult to treat because it’s one of the most commonly mocked/misrepresented mental health disorders in our culture. Case in point: we make reality TV shows about hoarders, and when we watch these shows we laugh or ridicule them, and perhaps we even mock them on Twitter … not realizing there seems to be a correlation between hoarding and OCD. Not realizing these hoarders may be hiding the obsessive thoughts continually running through their minds behind the things they cannot throw away. 

I'm not blameless; I've mocked it as well.

The good news is OCD has been studied extensively for the past few decades, and the treatment success rate is high, if treatment is sought. Treatment consists of medication that helps stabilize the serotonin levels in your brain and therapy aimed at helping you learn to put the obsessive thoughts out of your mind without using the rituals/compulsions as a crutch—especially if they are dangerous.

I cannot begin to express how proud I am of my son for coming clean with us, for agreeing to treatment, for being willing to open his mouth and ask for help…Because, my son’s compulsions are dangerous. In fact, if they were to continue, you might even consider them life-threatening.  Since OCD never goes away, the likelihood they would continue is virtually 100%.

Knowing what I know about the therapy my son has embarked on, I know that soon—after the phase where he becomes as educated as he can about his OCD—he’ll be asked to share his diagnosis and what it means with the people in his life. So I want to ask you to do one little thing: Can you please take a few minutes and read up on what OCD really is, from the professionals? Can you pass this information along? Can you share this post? So that maybe, just maybe, one person who might be inclined to say something hurtful to or shy away from my son—or anyone’s child, for that matter-- could be informed, and maybe even be persuaded to respond differently?

The most concise overview I’ve found was here.

The international organization for those with OCD is here.

And a fantastic explanation for children (which we had Ant read) is here.