Snownami 2013

Oh, it looks so pretty! Until it attacks you, that is...

If you’ve seen me on Facebook or Twitter any time over the past two weeks, you know we received some snow. Or, more aptly put, a shit-ton of snow. Missouri prefers a debilitating ice storm to a blizzard, so when we get a decent-sized snowstorm every few years, we’re out of practice. It always seems to come as surprise.

At this point in time, you might be saying to your computer, “Well, Sarah, you know they have this thing called the ‘weather’. You could check it, you know. It comes on the TV and the internet, and you can even get it on your phone. And then you could plan accordingly.”

And you would be right. Except, the weather people lied two weeks ago, when the first (yes, there’s been more than one) snowstorm hit. What was supposed to be three to six inches ended up being thundersnow (have you ever seen that?) that dropped a foot on us in a period of a few hours.

You would think, with my Type-A, only child, perfectionism, I would have been prepared for a snowstorm. You would be wrong. Let me illustrate by highlighting some major points in my day, two Thursdays ago, when ‘Storm Q’ hit:

8:00am           I go to work. The boys are out of school for the impending snowstorm, but I plan to work this morning. There’s nothing happening, and not a flake to be seen. I have a meeting to set up at 11:00—which is also when the heavy stuff it supposed to hit—and as soon as I get everyone situated, I can head back home. I live three miles away from campus, so it’s not like I’ll be making a trek through the wilderness in a blizzard like Pa in Little House on the Prairie.

I have just destined myself to suffer, by the way.

9:00am           Huh. It’s starting to snow.

10:00am         Damn. It’s really snowing. Good thing the plow trucks are going by! If they keep the roads okay, I should still be good in an hour or so.

11:15am         I am heading out the door. There is snow everywhere. I’m thinking we may already have six inches on the ground. I don’t know what the plow trucks have been doing when they drove by, but it doesn’t look like this road has been plowed at all. What the heck? Was that lightening?

11:30am         I watch traffic come to a creeping halt on the road home. At first I think it’s because the wind is gusting so bad that visibility is virtually zero. Then when the wind lets up for a bit, I see that a plow ahead of me has run off the road. The guys get out and start directly all of us behind them to turn around.

11:45am         I am now heading AWAY from my house. I can’t go down this road to the right; three people have spun out. I cannot go down these two roads to the left; people are stuck. Traffic is now not moving to the north or to the south. K calls me to see where I am.

12:30pm         Why didn’t I fill the car with gas? Why didn’t I bring my cell phone charger? Why does Ant keep texting me asking if I can see all the snow? I am in the middle of the damn snownami, kid! K calls me to see where I am.

1:00pm           I try to pull the car off in a parking lot so I can walk back to work. I’ve just received a text saying the campus is in full closure. J’s work is closing, and he’s pushing people out of the mall parking lot and onto the road because there’s about nine inches on the ground and no one can drive.  I am still going to wrong way, if ‘going’ is what you call it when you’re not moving. The parking lot maneuver didn’t work. Now I’m stuck. K calls me to see where I am.

1:30pm           I am running low on gas, I have been at this shit for over two hours, I haven’t moved down the road, I am soaking wet from digging out the wheels, but by God, I AM NO LONGER STUCK. I did it, bitches! Well, actually six undergrads took pity on me, and helped push my two ton car out. Remind me to never pull into a parking lot, again. K calls me to see if I’m still stuck.

2:00pm           J: I am coming to get you!

Me: NO! Save yourself! Someone has to live for the children!

J: NO! I will rescue you! I will come and get you!

Me: You will get stuck just like me! You will be stuck for hours!

J: Oh, that’s okay. I filled up my car and grabbed the phone charger this morning.

Bastard.

2: 15pm          We are moving! We are moving! I am going to make it to this next intersection and they will have it plowed and I can start driving in the right direction and I will make it home, and I can meet J at the grocery store parking lot and we can caravan home together and I might even find an open gas station!

2:30pm           Huh, this road hasn’t been plowed. Thank goodness no one else is on it! I’ll make it through the hills as long as I don’t have to stop! K calls me to see where I am.

2:32pm           Oh. My. God. That hill is like a damn parking lot. There must be thirty cars spun out on that damn thing. Most of them are Jeeps and SUVs…

2:35pm           J: I am going to walk to where you are.

Me: You are going to walk a mile to me, in the blizzard, with a shovel? Because I don’t need you so much, but we sure as hell could use a bigger shovel to get some of these cars out of the middle of the road.

3:00pm           We’ve pushed enough cars out of the way that we now have a decent path to get up the hill. I have traction control and all-wheel drive and a transmission I can switch to manual. And now? Now I have my shovel-wielding husband with me. We’ll leave his car at the grocery store, and get ourselves home.

3:10pm:          We clear the hill, and come to the next hill, where everyone we’ve just pushed out has gotten stuck, again. You have got to be kidding me! J’s driving, and so he whips the car around in the middle of the road and starts going back the way we came.

3:12pm           Holy crap! More people have gotten stuck and have clogged up the spot we just freaking cleared! J whips the car around onto a side road that hasn’t been touched, but also is void of any other cars. K calls to see where we are.

3:25pm           Our street! Our street! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM…Oh, no. No, dude in front of us, don’t stop. Don’t stop, don’t stop!

3:30pm           I have walked home—where the boys are shoveling the drive for us. I grab them to help get the car unstuck.

3:40pm           We get the car to the driveway, and we have to “unstuck” it again to get it IN the driveway.

3:45pm           This is my house! These are my children! These are our things! I will have dry clothes! And a hot bath! And beer! And I WILL MAKE SOUP!

3:50pm           I email my boss and tell her I’ll be working from home the next day. She writes back immediately and tells me that’s a great idea. I won’t have to drive in this crap for three more days!

At least this story has a happy ending, and no one in our town was seriously injured in the craziness. The news reported that several of the highways around us also had to shut down, and people were stuck on the roads in some places until nine that night. Also, this is the first of many wild snow stories we had over the past two weeks… During the next storm we lose power and INTERNET! I watched two trash trucks get stuck on our road. And, Sophie develops an elaborate ritual for going outside after falling through a snow bank…

How I Imagine it Would Go Down

An imaginary conversation between me and the kindly police officer, had he pulled me over last Sunday night, instead of the car directly behind me…

Officer: Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: For going about 37 in a 30 MPH zone.

Officer: May I ask why you were going so fast, ma’am?

Me: I’ve got a 9-year-old and a dog guarding the first two dozen cookies. How long do you think that will last?

Officer: I’m sorry?

Me: The recipe lied. I knew it was lying—in fact, I doubled it-- I just didn’t know how much it had underestimated the white chocolate needed to make 6 dozen White Chocolate Peppermint Oreos.

This is where I would gently pat the four additional packages of Ghiradelli white chocolate baking morsels I’d just purchased.

Officer, amused: Oh! Class party?

Me: No. Office cookie exchange.

Officer: Ho, boy! Today has not been your day today, has it?

Me: No, officer. In fact, we’re quickly leaving ‘throat punch’ territory and going to full-throttled ‘stabby’.

Officer: I hope you’re not referring to this encounter.

Me: No, mostly to the long list of unfortunate events which have preceded this encounter today.

Officer: Well, I’m a kindly officer who knows when a woman has reached her limit and I am letting you off with a warning. Please do not speed, but do return home quickly in order to save what cookies may remain from the first batch you tried to make.

Me: Thank you, kindly officer.

Am I the only one who has these imaginary scenarios running through their heads on an almost continuous loop? Yes? Well, the good news is that everyone is usually caring and polite in these scenarios. That must count for something.

You can find the recipe for the White Chocolate Peppermint Oreos—which we will be leaving for Santa, because they’re delicious—here. Also, they should be credited for the photo. Just make sure you know that it will take about a bag of white chocolate morsels for each dozen. 

This post, under the prompt, "What cookies are you leaving for the big guy?" was written for: 

A Plea for all Doctors out There… Subtitled: A Rant for Antibiotics

There are many other important things I could write about right now, but honestly, those things would make me cry, and I am desperately attempting to avoid all crying at the moment. This is due, in large part, to the nasty sinus infection I’ve been fighting for months now. I promise that I’m going to try to keep this from going the route of TMI.

And yes, months. This is why I’m now appealing to all doctors of the United States. But first, a little bit of background is needed.

I’ve told you that Ant has supernumerary teeth. In fact, I realize now that I need to give you an update on his supernumerary teeth, but today we’re going to talk about the cause of his supernumerary teeth—me. I also have supernumerary teeth. Except my extra teeth are in the back of my mouth, and not partying in the front of my mouth, preventing my top central incisors from appearing. Which one has, by the way. Again, more on that at another time. Just know that it completely plays into the same storyline here of my not being an idiot, and knowing my children (and their health) better than most people in the world.

I have extra wisdom teeth. A lot of them. Or, I did, before I had a lot of them yanked. Extra teeth belong in the back, you know. It’s as God intended.

Also, I come from a family of sharks. Damn, I’m way off topic now.

Having extra wisdom teeth can be a problem, and that’s because having two wisdom teeth in the upper right side of your mouth can really screw with the sinus cavity on that side of your face. In essence, those extra teeth created massive problems with my sinus cavity. Which means that when I get sick, I’m likely to get a sinus infection because my sinus cavity has extra room on a downhill slant to hold on to the nastiness that comes with a cold, and let it fester.

Also, another thing a wonky sinus cavity does is allow you to sound like a dying cow when you attempt to blow your nose on the right side. You know you’re in my inner circle if I deign to blow my nose in your presence. I’m not joking around here. I’ve perfected the art of refusing to blow my nose in public. In fact, this used to irritate the Nana to no end—until one day, as a teenager (she thought this was some weird anxiety I developed in my adolescence, and would chastise me for sniffing) I completely embarrassed her in public by blowing my nose—just to prove a point.

I’m off topic again. We’re going to blame the sinus infection. I’m running low on oxygen here.

To sum up, if I get a cold, I then get a sinus infection. I’m VERY familiar with the sinus infection. I’m VERY, VERY familiar with what happens if I can’t get some antibiotics to get rid of said sinus infection. Also? I’m not a damn idiot, and I don’t pop into the doctor’s office asking for drugs all the time. In fact, I probably should go to the doctor more often. I tend to forget to get my checkups.

Which is why I am taking my case to all the doctors in the nation, and telling you, “Please, please listen to your patients when they tell you there’s something wonky with their sinus cavity, they always get raging sinus infections, it will not go away on its own, and they’d prefer the Z-Pac, thank you very much!”

Yes, I understand antibiotics are over-prescribed. Yes, I understand all about super-bugs and herd immunity and all that. I also know that drugs won’t help the viral infection going around town, but I DON’T HAVE THAT THING ANY LONGER—I HAD THAT BACK IN OCTOBER AND I STILL HAVE THE DAMN SINUS INFECTION.

I had the viral thing back during the first weekend in October. Because I’m an overachiever who likes to get things first. You all may be getting it now, but I had it months ago. It cleared up in a week, and then I was fine for a couple of weeks, and then the low grade fever and the painful tingling in my sinus cavity started, and the next thing I knew, the entire right side of my head felt as if it would burst into flames at any moment.

I went to the doctor. They told me that it wasn’t that bad, and sinus infections will clear themselves up in a week or so.

I’m not even going to start on how awful it is for someone to tell you to suffer for the next week to ten days because medicine is over-prescribed in this country. Plus, it’s not like I have anything to do in my life, right? Nah- I have plenty of time to lay on the couch waiting for the pain to subside and for me to start breathing again.

A week and a half later, the place where my wisdom teeth once were abscessed. This occurs every damn time a sinus infection is left unchecked. Whereas my doctor, my son’s pediatrician, and urgent care would not give me (or my son) antibiotics for the sinus infection we’re fighting , the dentist will. So I walked in, asked for my shot (which hurts like a bitch, by the way—thanks doctors) and walked out a happy camper. I thought this would be over soon.

It took another two weeks or so for the pain and infection to finally clear up.

And then the grossest thing in the world ejected itself from my sinus cavity (and that’s all I’m going to say about that) and I thought it was finally over. If you’re keeping track, this means we were heading into Thanksgiving.

Then, I had to take Ant back to the pediatrician for a follow up, because after taking him in for the nasty sinus infection in October (which was so bad the school sent him home, even with a doctor’s note that he was fine, it was just a little sinus infection—yeah, nothing like more time off work in order to keep the rates of prescribed antibiotics down), they noticed the left tonsil was super-swollen, and they wanted to make sure it went down after the sinus infection ran its course.

It had not gone down. Because he’s still sniffly. And probably STILL has the sinus infection.

They wanted to send him to an ENT and have him scoped, and wondered if he had a cyst in his throat, and were asking me pointed questions about “serious childhood illnesses and disorders” in high pitched, chipper voices (as if he’s a dog, and not a nine year old boy, who knows your chipper voice doesn’t detract from the serious nature of your questioning), and I took the opportunity to point out that some ANTIBIOTICS MIGHT HELP THE INFECTION IN HIS TONSIL, and that I would prefer to go that route before paying for specialist and outpatient procedures, and…

That was not taken into consideration. Apparently multiple trips to specialists are okay. Sedating my child for procedures is fine. But, antibiotics are the devil’s work. The specialist was supposed to call me to set up the appointment the following week. That was two weeks ago, by the way.

This post is getting really long…

J and I decided that if worst came to worst, when we went back to my hometown, we’d visit my lifelong doctor and ask about the wonky tonsil and get some antibiotics for Ant if needed, and see what we could do about getting antibiotics with a phone call for all of us in the future, because the old-time country doctors in my hometown understand that I am not an idiot, and can recognize the symptoms of a raging sinus infection.

And that’s when my sinus infection came back. Again. Granted, I knew it’d never truly gone away, but I thought it was just making a slow exit. Now, I’m right back to where I was before I exorcized a demon from my right sinus cavity. And there’s no freaking hope of antibiotics in this mid-sized town with large medical centers and a university hospital. I’ll have to wait until next weekend to make a four hour trip to my hometown in hopes of getting some relief.

Because here they are trained that antibiotics are over-prescribed. And that I’m an idiot who just wants to, oh, I don’t know, take herself into work sometime this semester.

So, please, doctors of the world: We know you are better trained in health care. We know you have more years of schooling. We know you see more than we do. We get that. But, me? I DO KNOW MY BODY BETTER THAN YOU. I’ve been living with it all my life, after all. And if I come in and ask you for help (for myself or for my child) take me seriously, and don’t blow me off. Don’t tell me to waste two weeks of my life. Don’t tell me it seems worse than it is. And start prescribing some damn antibiotics!