Did You Miss Me?

I desperately need to blog, so I am going to fix that right now… Even though I don’t have anything particularly poignant to say.

Although… and I know you’re bound to be just as excited as I am about this… I am done with the grant proposal at work! Woohoo!

What? Did I forget to mention that thing? Oh. I’ve spent the past few weeks writing a grant proposal at work, asking for money. Which is really the only reason why one would write a grant proposal, but…

Do you know how difficult (and time consuming) it can be to write a big, thesis-long, technical thing asking for money? And explaining how you will wisely and responsibly spend that money? I don’t like asking the neighbors to check the mail while we’re on vacation! Can you imagine how odd I feel asking for fistfuls of cash—even when it’s not my own?

I did find time to put the tree up, though...

 If I had participated in NaNoWriMo this year, I’d have been about half-way done, which is a vast improvement over how far I got last year. So maybe grant-proposal writing is my thing.

Nevertheless, the proposal is done, edited, and gathering signatures as we speak. And this means that the few weeks of being able to think of nothing other than the proposal are over!

Unless we win, and then I’ll be spending a lot more time thinking about the whole thing. Which is kind of the point, but hopefully, it won’t suck out all of the creative writing juices from my brain, like the writing of the proposal did.

Also? I think I’ve gained about ten pounds during this grant proposal writing process. Writing a grant requires that you eat chocolate, and have wine with dinner. And not exercise. That’s the important piece, there. I’d probably appreciate it if the weight gain thing would stop now too.

How could anyone resist this wine??? They couldn't.

Although—here’s an idea—I could go back to my Fitspo motivational posters, and my blog posts about how losing weight sucks and why exercise is the devil’s work!

You see? The juices are already starting to flow after just starting a blog post.

Except this is really a blog post to nowhere. While the big names, like The Bloggess, are incorporating half a dozen different animals (dead, alive, mythical, and saintly) in one post, and SDL, who came out of the closet as not-straight this week… here I am with no coherent thesis statement and no idea of an ending to this train wreck.

Maybe the proposal burned up that area of my cerebral cortex…

Or... maybe it's creepy owls who are now the newest thing in house accessories...

 Although, I was able to write some fun posts for Sprocket Ink over the past few weeks, and I’ve not yet had the chance to share them with you here! So, let’s have a recap of some of the good ones:

I was amazed that our culture needs Legos to explain the Bible…

I made fun of Lance Armstrong’s Twitter skillz.

I got to applaud Cory Booker, and…

I wondered what all of you would be doing with your Powerball money, had you won.

You know what? That was almost like a weekend wrap-up! Which I haven’t done forever! Perhaps I’ll bring that back as well! And maybe a giveaway? I haven’t had the chance to do one of those in a while… And didn’t I promise everyone a post of the vacuum that Twitter gave me?

And… I’m back!

We’re Not Going to Count this as My Official 300th Post…

Yes, I am still alive. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that the month of October has not been the greatest month for blog-writing, because I’m inundated in many other aspects of my life right now. No worries, though. Things are good, even if they are so busy I literally collapsed on the floor last night because I was so freaking tired, and fell asleep there. For nearly two hours. While my husband enjoyed the comedic scene.

Asshole. He watched me pull a Sims, and did nothing to help me out…

This is me. Just not as a man, dressed in a tux.

 I did want to share one of the funnier Ant stories of recent days, and it says a lot about how I’m spending what little free time I have.

It was debate night. It was debate time. I had my beer, my Reeses Peanut Butter cups, and my phone with the Twitter pulled up. Since J had the remote (as usual) I casually told him to change it from whatever SyFy thing he and Ant were watching to PBS for the debate.

Which is when And said, “Oh no! Not this again!”

Ant has been learning a lot about the state of Missouri in 4^th grade. They’re currently discussing the Missouri Compromise, Missouri as a slave state, the Civil War, and Abraham Lincoln (sadly, not as a vampire hunter). So J tried to convince him debate-watching was cool because presidential debates really took off with the Lincoln-Douglass debates.

That didn’t help, as it turns out.

Ant replied, “It’s not the debates that bother me. It’s the yelling! She yells at the zombies when they’re on TV. She yells at the baseball players when they’re on the TV. And she yells at the presidential candidates when they’re on the TV. I can’t take any more of the yelling! I have to watch it in the other room!”

For a moment I felt chagrined by all my ‘yelling’. And then I realized I was right there, in the same very room, where the two of them were critically analyzing my TV viewing habits…

What does this mean?

Repeat Week- Introduction to Jasonisms

Yesterday we started repeat week. Life be crazy-busy right now, and while I cannot even begin to fathom blog-post worthy material, I thought a week of reruns would be welcome. You play catch-up reading posts from way back, and I play catch-up with work and laundry and bills…

Today is the first Jason post…It explains a lot, actually.

We're gonna create a diversion here, see... Photo Credit

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Introduction to Jasonisms 

Many people think my husband is sweet, charming, gentle. Mellow. Quiet. A teddy bear, really, in a giant’s body. Only I know the real J.

J has the amazing gift of being able to bring humor into any situation. He doesn’t share it with the outside world often—it’s often rather vulgar. He’s very private. Which is why I’ve decided to blog about it. You know, because his rare gift needs to be shared with the world, whether he likes it or not.

He has a thing for play on words and one-liners. We call them Jasonisms. Remember- this is the man who has diagnosed me with “early-morning Tourette’s”. I tend to curse in the mornings, if you attempt to engage me in any way…

Most of them are wildly inappropriate, and not for blog consumption. Sheesh, someone’s already reported me for objectionable content—I don’t need to quote some of those gems and get shut down.

You’ll just have to take my word for it when it comes to those.

We’re watching the Olympics right now, and the inevitable commercials. Ever see the one where the female narrator is talking about how easy family travel is now that she has the iPhone app that turns off the house lights?

Tangent: J has a thing for not leaving things unfinished, unless it involves folding a putting away laundry. He hates the idea of a light being left on or the car doors left unlocked. Ever want to have some fun at his expense? Wait until he gets into bed, with the lights off. Let him get snuggled up and comfortable, and then say something like this:

“Hey, hon, did YOU lock the front door? Really? Are you sure it’s locked?”

This is a good way to get the better pillows by switching them while he’s up checking.

J is enamored with this commercial. He wants an iPhone, just to have this app. I ruthlessly mock him, because, well, that’s what married couples do, right?

J: That would be so cool. You could be away from the house, and turn the lights on! The bank robbers could be right there, at your front door, and then whoosh! The lights are on! Their plans are foiled. All because of one little app.
Me: Huh. Yeah, that would be cool. Except…
J: What?
Me: Well, what would BANK robbers being doing at the house? They’re bank robbers, not…
J: Well, duh. They are creating a distraction, so they can get the real job done with no interruptions.
Me: You know, this—what you just said-- it is either going to end up on my Facebook, or on my blog.
J: Yeah, that sucks.
Me: Really, why?
J: Well, I would prefer it if you gave me a cool name. The other mommy-bloggers give their husbands cool names.
Me: What?
J: You know, that one blog you’ve read for years? She had that name, f-ball…
Me: That is Damomma, and that was her husband’s name for the cat. Not for her husband.
J: Well, I’m just saying…
Me: You want me to call you f-ball on my blog?

These are the private, inner sanctum conversations of married life. You know, that secret, private spouse language that all the relationship gurus talk about. The thing that is supposed to make your marriage last and last. It all comes down to the super-cool name your husband wants on your blog, and the fact that you use the front door as a ploy to get to sleep before he starts to snore…

Because you know that once you suggest one door is unlocked, he has to check them all.

And then I think, maybe that is the secret to a successful marriage. I had a dreaded dentist appointment today, and a sore mouth this evening. I’ve been in a bad mood all day, either in anticipation of the dentist’s office, or as the response. My husband picked up on it, and came up with something humorous to distract me.

Then he made fun of me as I tried to fulfill my craving for fruity cheerios without causing too much pain…

What Is Keeping Me From Posting?

I’m so glad you asked. I made a chart to show you.

Please, no one point out to me that in the time it took for me to make this chart that I could have written you a post. Also, make sure to read the posts I wrote over at Sprocket Ink this week about the Devil stealing children’s souls in the lunch line and, of course, how only stupid people talk about magical vaginas. That should be enough to placate you for a little while, right?

Just be thankful that I’m not posting pictures of my gnarly broken finger. It’s my middle finger. And it’s pretty gross. I came *this* close to posting it!

Yes, I’ve Told J That We’ll be Going Back Very Soon!

I just got back from spending five days in Chicago on a business trip. Each year, right before the start of school, there’s a huge conference (THIS is why I can rarely, if ever, go to BlogHer) for my work, where we get to meet up with current faculty, students, and alums. It’s a blast, but at the same time, it’s work, and the work days are long. This is one of those conferences where meetings start at 7 AM, and things start winding down at midnight. 

It makes up for missing the Cheesy Bloggers meet up earlier this summer. Kind of. 

Our hotel was right on Michigan Avenue. Obviously, this was a plot to torture me. So, while I spent the vast majority of my days working my ass off, I did get a few chances to sneak out and take some pictures and look through a couple of stores. Which I am now sharing with you. Which is about the level of post I’m able to contribute today.

I’m still freaking exhausted! Plus, I’ve had my hands busy in getting Ant into all of his sports for the fall (sheesh!) and fixing K’s schedule (not only will he be a sophomore in high school, but now he is dual enrolled in college. I’m not joking.) and getting ready for school to start.

People keep asking me if I’m ready for school to start. I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry when they ask this.

But I digress. Here’s a whirlwind tour of pictures of Chicago, which I am currently using to entice J to take me back there again. Just him and me. In the very near future. 

I got to take the train, for the first time in my life. It was awesome.
Especially since I had a party room...

I had a room with a view of the lake... Oh, and it was raining
(RAIN!) and cool in Chi-town.

J was frantically trying to cancel my credit cards, to no avail.

Then there was amazing food-- like ricotta filled gnocci...

And the usual suspects in sightseeing...

Navy Pier

Union Station, waiting for the train back home.

 All in all, it was an excellent trip. And seriously, J, we're repeating it. Very Soon.