Let’s Get Real for a Moment

Let’s discuss something women never really talk about. Let me be the one to open up and make myself vulnerable on the interwebs. Let’s talk for a moment about the effects of stress on the body.

First, a recap: In the past year, we’ve worked through treatment for K’s OCD, I wrote and won a grant, I spent two solid months spending most of my time in a hospice facility with my grandfather, and then there was Ant. Oh, did I not tell you about Ant? And how he broke his arm? Let’s follow that tangent for a moment…

I was out of town at a work conference when I got the call—the call from school that every parent dreads. “Sarah, we know you’re out of town. We cannot get a hold of J. We need you to call him right now. Ant fell on the playground, and they’re stabilizing him now, but we’re fairly certain he broke his arm.”

I got back into town that day in time to meet the docs who had taken three series of x-rays of my son’s shoulder and arm, and given him the pain medication that made him even more philosophical than he already is. An example:

Me: Ant! What happened to you, kid?

Ant: I don’t really remember. There are many things I don’t remember… perhaps we’re not meant to remember everything in life!

Me: Wow. Okay.

J: He did NOT hit his head. They gave him something for the pain.

Me: Ant, they said you fell down?

Ant: Ah, yes. I’m not sure what happened. I remember sitting up, realizing I landed in a mud puddle, and that I had lost my shoes…

The long and the short of it was this—Ant separated his humorous at the growth plate between the long part of the bone and the ball joint for the shoulder. This, and he’d also partially dislocated his shoulder. Because my kid is a badass, when he sat up and realized something was wrong with his arm, he apparently grabbed it and pulled it toward him just right—relocating his shoulder. Yes, let me repeat: Ant relocated his own shoulder…

Ah, but the shoulder (which is healing nicely, and in a manner consistent to Wolverine from the X-Men, according to the lovely orthopedic Ant’s seen) is not the only scare Ant’s given us. Last weekend it became apparent that the nasty little summer cold Ant got on Thursday was not just a cold. After battling a high fever on Saturday night, I took him to urgent care, where he was diagnosed with strep, a sinus infection, AND a middle ear infection. Then, to make matters worse, Ant decided to be allergic to the antibiotics he was prescribed, meaning that we got to visit urgent care more than once on Sunday…

And… did I mention we’re selling a place, and looking to buy another? By the time school starts in August?

So, as you can imagine, there’s been a little bit of stress in this household right now. At first this presented with insomnia. I dismissed it—I’d completely messed up my sleep schedule. Then my teeth started to hurt. Okay, perhaps I was grinding them again, in my sleep. And I had missed my dental checkup with my grandfather being ill. And I have sensitive teeth to begin with.

Then I realized I was drinking too much coffee and not enough water. Then I realized I needed to start taking my vitamins again. Then I realized I needed to start my regular exercise routine back up. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the small town doctor I had while growing up, it’s that water, exercise, and a Flintstones can cure many an ill. Perhaps that would fix my new breakouts. And my sore muscles. And the changes I’d noticed in my, you know, ‘cycle’…

And then, all of my excuses came crashing down when I noticed my hair.

At first, I noticed the hair at my temples seemed to be thinner. Not much thinner, but thinner, nonetheless. Okay, well, when one lives in a hospital setting, one tends to pull their hair into a ponytail every day. I just needed to be more careful… Then, this week, I noticed I had a spot on the top part of my head. I was going bald.

A note from J: He would like me to express that my definition of going bald more closely matches the definition the general public would have of a spot near the crown of my head where my hair is slightly thinner, and my part seems just a tad bit larger than normal, and that 99% of the population would not even notice such a thing on their own head, much less someone else’s. While my rational brain says, “Yes, I understand that I’m the only person noticing this,” my emotional brain says, “Oh. My. God. I am losing my hair! Will J still love me when I’m bald???”

So, since it was evening, and doctor’s tend to frown when you call them at ten at night, I Dr. Googled that shit. Come to find out, I could have a hormone or thyroid imbalance (which I’ll certainly get checked out), but the more likely culprit is that I’ve had significant stress within the past six months that’s taxed my system.

Oh. So it is stress. Huh. I guess I have to admit it now.

Women do not like to talk about these things. We don’t even like to think about them. Long, lustrous hair and a clear complexion and a physically toned body reaches out and smacks us in the face every time we look at a magazine, watch TV, or see a movie. Everyone looks as if they’re 24, and if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you.

Yet, these things happen. They happen to a lot of us. The hair-thinning thing? Dr. Google says that will happen to half of us by the time we’re 50, and then it seems it’ll happen to the other half of us in our 50s and 60s. The breakout thing? Well, that happens to a whole bunch of us as well. Look at all the items one can buy in the health and beauty section of any store. And don’t even get me started on the lines I’m noticing on my forehead… Or the grays. Or my eyelashes. Or the 13 pounds I’ve gained in the past year. Or how one’s body hurts when they’re under a whole bunch of stress.

I think we need to get real about this: the hair thinning thing, but more generally, the changes that happen to us women in our 30s, 40s, and beyond. The changes that are natural, the ones that can be caused by stress or fatigue, and the ones that certainly need to get checked out. So, here I am, with a spot right smack in the middle of my forehead that I’m certain will be a monstrous pimple by the weekend, a “balding” pate, and a giant bottle of water that I hope will fix it all. And I’m telling you all about it on the internet, so that if you have to Google something along these lines, you’ll feel just a little less alone.

A Year in Review

2012 has provided us with one helluva wild ride. Then again, I don’t know that there’s been a single year of our lives—since J and were together, at least—that hasn’t been a wild ride.  That being said, the reason I started this blog nearly three years ago was to reflect on our lives—to find the positive and remember it through the hard times. I lost that once, and I never want to travel through that darkness again.

So, let’s take a quick look at some of the highlights of 2012—as featured on this blog or not—and then I’ll be ready to start thinking about 2013… although, if you caught me on Twitter last night, you know that I’ll only be making resolutions I know I can keep. Like spending more time on Pinterest.

In January, I mentally powered through an minor PA relapse. Writing about it gave me the chance to connect with other individuals who suffer from RA, PA, and Lupus. We traded notes on meds, exercises, shortcuts and foods.  I’ve been med free for quite some time now (since July 2009), and I can attribute most of it to J’s enforcement of a positive attitude and exercising Every. Damn. Day. Which, at first, made me feel like I was going to die. I hate freaking exercise.

In February, J and I took a weekend trip to KC and I started writing for Sprocket Ink! My favorite posts to write in the last year certainly had to be about the Hunger Games Haters and the Zombie Apocalypse. Also, last February, I began to take a stand against the teacher who was making Ant’s life a living hell.

In March, I first starting preaching the benefits of finding your Twitter tribe, and wrote an SI article that started the phrase ‘Hooker Powers’ amongst my friends. It was awesome.

April brought a declaration from J that I need to write about him more often, and Alex from Late Enough and I shared a mutual hatred of birds.  Also? The Bloggess released the funniest book ever.

May marked the one year anniversary of the tornado which devastated my hometown in 2011. Steph from Musings of a Sarcastic Mind  started #OperationPlayMore and I joined in. J was still on me to write more about him.

June brought vacation. Because there’s no better time to go to Disney World than when there’s a tropical storm. No lie! The rain keeps the temperatures down and the lines away. It was fantastic to know that it was 83 degrees in Florida while it was 106 in Missouri. Plus? We totally got to see a rocket launch and Atlantis make its way home. Also, there was the broken shower incident of 2012… I still hold Mike Holmes responsible…

July was hot. And unbearable. And tried to kill me, since June didn’t get the job done.

In August, I spent a week in Chicago sans-guys. Granted, it was for work, but it was awesome. Good food. My first official train ride.  

In September, which is one of the busiest months of the year for me (I know, I know… I say it about almost every month) we openly admitted to K’s OCD diagnosis—which had been a summer-long process, and to make me feel better, the Twitter gave me a vacuum. Again, this is why the Twitter is awesome! Okay, maybe it didn’t exactly happen that way, but close enough. Oh, and I totally copped to believing in ghostesses, and started a group with like-minded women who want to travel to ghosty places, learn to ghost-hunt, and drink. Mostly the traveling and drinking bit, I bet. Then Noa from Oh, Noa told me she wanted to come and investigate my house (she totally was a ghost hunter before) and I didn’t find it creepy at all.

October and November both are kind of a blur. I spent most of my time writing the grant. I also had some funny moments (well, funny for J, not for me) and Jesse took pity on me and sent me some Rock Star Wine! 

  

In December… well, I officially admitted I have let myself go (although I’ve been able to rectify a bit of that over the last week of vacation—I even gave myself a manicure on Saturday—a manicure!) and then… well, I think it was hard for many of us to get in the Christmas spirit this year—especially if we had elementary-aged children.  Each year, the four of us do something or make something to remind us of the Christmas spirit. This year, I’m happy to say we participated in #28ActsofKindness.

Why 28? Because there were 28 victims that day, at least in my mind. I don’t believe in monsters, but I do believe we have a massive gap in mental health care services in our nation today. I also told you that I am (still) waiting in the Common Ground.

And there you have it. Not an exceptional year, per se, but an adventure, nonetheless. Every day with these three guys (and Super-Sophie) is an adventure, to be sure!  I’m looking forward to 2013… but I suppose that’s fodder for a post tomorrow. 

What is(are) the highlight(s) from your 2012? And what are you looking forward to in 2013? 

As It Comes

I am watching, in horror. Will Issac hit New Orleans head on, a town I love with all my heart—despite never having lived there? Will it swing west, hitting Chauvin and Houma and Thibodaux and LUMCON—one of the prettiest places on the planet I’ve ever seen? With Katrina, seven years ago tomorrow, I didn’t have the curse of watching before it struck. Seven years ago today, we were in the midst of our own storm aftermath—with no power for a week and temperatures above 100 degrees. It was only afterwards I saw.

And having been back down to NOLA a half-dozen times since Katrina, I wonder about the new levees and flood walls and pump houses. Will they work? Will they hold? Will it save the city that has JUST started to bounce back from Katrina and the BP oil spill?

My horror is a palpable thing my husband and children can feel. They’ve been to NOLA now. They’ve seen it—how unique and important and damaged it all is. They now feel the bowl, instead of just understanding my words about the city being in a bowl. They can see the choppy waves on the Lake Pontchartrain of their memories. They understand the surge will rush past the barrier islands and into the bays, then wind its way through the bayous and manmade canals from high-pressure oil lines. Then the surge will wash away more land, fill more wetlands with life-killing sea water. Then it will run up the industrial canals and the lakes and the spillways.

And all to "control" the Mississippi.

But, this time, I am also conflicted. The same storm path that will inundate Louisiana with up to twenty inches of rain will also push the storm into my neck of the woods in Missouri. Rain. Days and days of rain. We will not get twenty inches (although we could use it). But will we get an inch, two, five? Any drop of water upon the ground is a welcome sight these days, but we would need ten days straight of rain to catch up to where we’re supposed to be.

Our dying willow tree.

 We’re in the worst drought in over fifty years. The highest category in droughts is D4- Exceptional. That’s where we’re at. The grass is dead. The trees are dying—everywhere the trees are dying. Everywhere around us it looks like fall, with brown, dried leaves littering the ground, and yet the temperatures are still well into the mid and upper 90s. The crops were an utter failure. We will have massive corn shortages and massive soybean shortages and we already have a hay shortage for cattle feed that exceeds a million bales. Farmers are selling their cattle for a loss just to be rid of them before the winter—when they will not be able to feed them. Earlier in the summer, rural houses on wells found themselves drying up, but now, within the past two weeks, small towns around us have started to have pump failures and water losses. We’ve had water restrictions and fire bans since June.

Photo Source

This has not been a summer with BBQs and sprinklers and fireworks. None of these things have been an option for us this year. The idea of water-- four days of rain filling the cracks in the hard packed earth of my backyard and possibly saving the willow in our front yard-- is something I can’t help but crave.

These two wildly disparate sets of emotions make my stomach sink, and I don’t know how to reconcile it. Perhaps that’s the point. Perhaps this type of thing isn’t supposed to be reconciled. Perhaps this is the way one is supposed to feel as they see the weather harm another and pray that it helps them.

Experiencing Technical Difficulties… Please Stand By

We thwarted the last week of June by running off to another state on vacation, and while I briefly hoped that our awesome vacation meant that the bad luck June always brings would be over, I’ve now come to realize that by being gone, we were just delaying what the last week of June had in mind for us-- until the first week of July.

You know it’s hot outside when I start speaking in 65-word long run-on sentences, FYI.

Although, perhaps, I knew deep down inside that I was going to have to pay for those days by the pool, the mild temperatures, and the relatively pain-free drives.

If you’re unfamiliar with how June tries to kill me (okay, maybe not kill me, but certainly annoy me) each year, read this, and this, and then this. Prior years have been even worse. June is my Thebes month.

This year, I’ve been bitten on the leg by a pit-bull (in my own yard), I’ve been stung by a wasp (and had to go on Allergic Reaction Deathwatch 2012), I’ve been attacked by the world’s largest moth (the vermin trifecta!), and I attempted to fix a broken shower with no success. Also, our washer decided to break down (how dare the 12-year-old appliance require maintenance. Sheesh!), but that didn’t make the blog, because I fixed it.

When in doubt, shove a pencil in it. That’s my motto. I bet I could have fixed the shower, if I had any place to shove a pencil into.

This week alone I’ve dealt with broken wifi, an unexpected loss of 3G service in our area (this makes blogging difficult) and massively hot temperatures. All of the creatures in the wild are so hot and thirsty (moderate drought now with burn bans—marching towards water shortages and severe drought throughout the summer) that they keep coming up to our house in an effort to get inside.

Then Ant got sick with a nasty cold. And then sicker, with an amazing cough. And now we think he may have picked up vaccine resistant pertussis in the House of the Mouse.

Then the air conditioning broke last night. It’s currently 99 degrees, and slated to get even hotter this afternoon (104). The heating and air guys promise to show up sometime tonight. Yeah, tonight.

So the tales of our awesome vacation and the associated pictures? Yeah, that’s going to have to wait. If I were to brag right now, the universe would up the ante, I’m sure. Plus, I’m busy having a very warm pity party for myself right now.

Do you have an unlucky month? Are you currently affected by the drought, the power outages on the east coast, or were you flooded out during the tropical storm? Are you starting to think that maybe the Mayans were on to something?