If you've
never checked out Sprocket Ink (I'm sure
none of you have neglected to do this) before, you're missing out. Vinny writes
some of the funniest posts, and frankly, seems to control the media niche on
technologically advanced Japanese toilets. To which you might say,
"So what?" and to which I would respond, "Do you not know
ANYTHING about Japanese toilets? If you did, you would know how complicated a
matter reporting on them can be!" You can also read Vinny's blog As Vinny C's It. I strongly suggest
the post where he tried
to bring an end to mankind...
First, let me say thanks to Sarah for letting me
blog-sit for the day. As you may already know, she and the family are off on a covert
mission that may or may not involve having to save the world from an evil
organization that wants to take over the world with the help of an army of
bath-salts induced zombie slaves well deserved vacation. While she’s away
I’ll be one of writers holding down things here at the Casa.
We’re here to talk summer
this week. It’s the time of torrential showers, flooding and... what? What do
you mean warm and sunny..? Oh, my bad. Did I mention I live in Trinidad and
Tobago, in the Caribbean? Here we only have two seasons. It’s either sunny or
rainy and by the time summer rolls around for you guys, it’s already the rainy
half of the year here. But the sun is greedy and usually buts in on the rain’s
time too, so there are still plenty of trips to the beach or the pool. Just,
around these parts, that can also be any given Saturday, or Sunday, or Tuesday
if you skip out on work...
Living in the warm, sunny
tropics where there are only two seasons one may be thinking, “What do you know
about summer? You have no business being here! FRAUD!!!”
But that’s where you’re
wrong. The fact is, “summer” has existed here for a while now. The kids are out
of school, store displays change from dresses to bikinis, the sales figures for
hot pants quadruple. Heck, a lot of people here have been calling this time the
“summer vacation” for a while now (I
think it’s a marketing thing).
Anyway, now that I’ve
established my credentials, I’ll proceed. Contrary to popular stereotypes, we
in the Caribbean don’t always have the luxury of lounging around under a
coconut tree all day (Which, by the way,
I don’t recommend. Ever been hit on the head by a falling coconut? I have. It
hurts like a mofo). We slave away in beige cubicles too, sadly, and this is
the setting for my favourite summertime activity, which actually takes place
well before that time of year hits: the summer vacation showdown.
I’ve worked at a few places
over the years and one thing I’ve noticed is, for parents, getting their
vacation scheduled for this time of year is something of a big deal, so they
can spend time with the kids while they’re home from school. Not yet being a
parent myself, I’ve never gotten that same sense of urgency regarding when to
schedule any vacation time, but I’ve been paying attention. Coming up to
whenever whatever company I was in began receiving vacation requests, the
atmosphere always changed. You know in those movies when there’s an eerie quiet
before all hell breaks loose, then there’s complete pandemonium with screaming,
machinegun fire and bombs going off? That’s the feeling.
That summertime vacation
slot is a cherished prize to working parents. Most companies only allow one or
two people from each department to go on vacation at the same time. That way
there’s still someone there to do the work. So when the time to schedule
vacations comes around you see a lot of shifty eyes peeking over partitions
Meanwhile, the smart supervisors will post a member of the security staff in
front of their office... preferably in riot gear.
To get that slot, normally
seniority in the company gives you the edge. After that, it’s the brown-nosers,
and, if there’s still a chance after that, it’s first come, first serve. Of
course there are several ways to guarantee you get the coveted summer vacation
slot and I’ll share few tricks I’ve observed being used over the years. They’re
what I call the three “B’s”.
- Bargaining: Sometimes
simple concessions are all you need. You can earn the summer vacation by
agreeing to take on extra work. Maybe even wash the boss’s car a few weekends.
- Begging: Abandon all
pride and go straight for the heartstrings. Tell your boss you’ve spent so
little time with your young ones that they’re calling the TV “mommy” now. A
tried and true method is the old “But I already spent my entire bonus on those
plane tickets and they’re non-refundable!” excuse. Don’t be afraid to let the
tears flow.
- Bribery: Not to be
confused with bargaining. This requires you to resort to more desperate and/or
unethical exchanges. For example, while I’m not advocating infidelity, what do
you think the Mrs will understand more? You “working late” just this one night
or the sad sorrowful look in your children’s eyes when you break your their
hearts by telling them, for the third year straight, you all won’t be taking
that trip to the magical kingdom after all.
If vacation schedules are
already posted, fear not. You can still have a chance. Just use those same tactics
on the lucky recipients. Your chances are slim in this case, but I’ve seen it
pay off. So there’s still hope.
I laugh now but one day the
wife and I will have children of our own and then we’ll have to join the fray.
But fair warning to anyone coming up against us, we don’t fight fair and we
play for keeps.
Thanks again, Vinny, for guest posting in my absence.
And, you were close in your speculations about our plans, but it's actually
more in line with spying on Putin (Pilates, anyone?) in an attempt to get a
hold of that zombie ray gun he's developing.
Readers, what have you done to ensure time off from
work? is your boss supportive (like mine) or do you have to plan an attack?
