Yes, I’ve Told J That We’ll be Going Back Very Soon!

I just got back from spending five days in Chicago on a business trip. Each year, right before the start of school, there’s a huge conference (THIS is why I can rarely, if ever, go to BlogHer) for my work, where we get to meet up with current faculty, students, and alums. It’s a blast, but at the same time, it’s work, and the work days are long. This is one of those conferences where meetings start at 7 AM, and things start winding down at midnight. 

It makes up for missing the Cheesy Bloggers meet up earlier this summer. Kind of. 

Our hotel was right on Michigan Avenue. Obviously, this was a plot to torture me. So, while I spent the vast majority of my days working my ass off, I did get a few chances to sneak out and take some pictures and look through a couple of stores. Which I am now sharing with you. Which is about the level of post I’m able to contribute today.

I’m still freaking exhausted! Plus, I’ve had my hands busy in getting Ant into all of his sports for the fall (sheesh!) and fixing K’s schedule (not only will he be a sophomore in high school, but now he is dual enrolled in college. I’m not joking.) and getting ready for school to start.

People keep asking me if I’m ready for school to start. I can’t decide whether to laugh or cry when they ask this.

But I digress. Here’s a whirlwind tour of pictures of Chicago, which I am currently using to entice J to take me back there again. Just him and me. In the very near future. 

I got to take the train, for the first time in my life. It was awesome.
Especially since I had a party room...

I had a room with a view of the lake... Oh, and it was raining
(RAIN!) and cool in Chi-town.

J was frantically trying to cancel my credit cards, to no avail.

Then there was amazing food-- like ricotta filled gnocci...

And the usual suspects in sightseeing...

Navy Pier

Union Station, waiting for the train back home.

 All in all, it was an excellent trip. And seriously, J, we're repeating it. Very Soon.

Vignettes: Failing

You know it's good when it gets a place of honor next to my
Walking Dead comics and my Jane Austen movies...

For my birthday, J bought me the first season of Games of Thrones on DVD. No matter I’m on the fourth book—I jumped up and down and squee-ed like a girl in the middle of the living room. There’s nothing I like more than getting J hooked on a TV show (like the Walking Dead) and then telling him that if he wants to know as much as do, or if he wants to know what happens after the cliffhanger, well, then he should read the book!

Because, let’s face it, I’m mean and conniving. And too cheap to pay for HBO.

We watched the first two episodes on my birthday—but J fell asleep in the middle of the second, because he’s been working long hours all week on huge project. Then, I was off yesterday, with lots of free time and no motivation… so I watched some more.

You know, just to make sure they stuck to the story line…

So, last night, when J came home from work ready to watch more of a show he’s already hooked on after 1.5 episodes, and found out that he’s now 4.5 episodes behind me in a ten episode season…

Don’t worry. I went back to the second episode for him. Now, THAT’s love.

***

K is at that point—a point all 15 year boys hit, I fear—where he’s part know-it-all, part arrogant jerk, and part bumbling idiot. 

He’s one of the younger kids in his class, so he hasn’t been gunning to get his learner’s permit nearly as hard as I did at his age. He envisions that all of his friends will be willing to pick him up and take him wherever he wants to go; no matter the price of gas or where we live or that an intermediate driving license pretty much keeps teens from doing this exact thing for the first six months of their driving privileges.   

Or the fact that I have problems with anyone driving my children around—much less teenagers I don’t even freaking know!

All of this to say that he’s not too worried about taking his written exam. Surely not worried enough to actually read the book, or study for it, or anything…

Given that I will be expected to provide him with a two ton chunk of metal in which he can careen himself into others- injuring everyone involved—and with higher insurance rates to boot-- I’ve been pretty adamant that he needs to study and take this driving test thing seriously. I figured this summer would be spent with his head buried in the MO written test book, and then a good chunk of it would be found behind the wheel in a driver’s ed program (let’s face it, the professionals should get him to a place where I can tolerate being in the same car as him—as a passenger—before I begin teaching him the finer points).

This has not been the case. 

So, yesterday, I took a gamble. I placed my parenting experience on the line. If K thought he was such smart shit, he could just go take the written test, then. My gut told me this would be an eye-opening experience. He really needed an eye-opening experience to take this seriously. Of course, it could backfire on me, and he could pass… and then bug me to drive all weekend long. But I didn’t think this would happen. I was praying this wouldn’t happen. 

We went to the examination center, prepared with all of the correct documents and accoutrements. He was given a small white form to fill out by a wizened, elderly woman who’s likely sat behind that same desk for the last fifty years. When K couldn’t even remember his address, she raised her eyebrows at me in a way that said, “Okay, Mom. I see what’s going on HERE.”

After helping him fill out the form, and then taking his picture in that awkward way that only the DMV can do, she directed him to the computer he would take the written test on, and began to usher Ant and I out of the room. Her final words were, “Mom, we’ll see you and Brother in about 15 minutes. He’s only allowed to take the test twice in one day.”

And take the test twice, he did. And failed both times, thank whatever deity you may prefer. And promptly came home and stuck his nose in the damn written test book. 

***

During our trip to Florida back in June (which was a lovely trip I have yet to write about here, sheesh), somewhere, somehow, the boys started speaking in a Russian accent. I don’t even remember how it started, but everything was in a Russian accent. Then it was saying ‘Russian’ things. Then it was mocking the GPS on my phone in a Russian accent:

“After making U-turn, travel 7,539 miles to Mother Russia.”

J made the fatal mistake of laughing at them the first few times, and then it was all Russian, all the time. It got old real quick. Especially since Ant’s Russian accent is like a bad Cold War movie from the 1980s with story-lines of nuclear bombs going off when he snaps his fingers and K’s Russian accent sounds more like Sammy Davis Jr than anything. 

Once we returned home it settled down significantly, and thankfully so: the stereotypical and poorly performed impersonations are one of the more embarrassing parenting failures of my life.

Then, along came the Olympics. Oh, the Olympics, with its ever-present annoying commentators who like to reminisce about the ‘good old days’ when it was all US vs. USSR, all the time. Now Ant speaks in a Russian accent so often that I think he may be forgetting how to speak like a Missouri hick.  

School starts in 12 days. This should be interesting. 

Tell me; what have you failed at recently?

Ant's An Author: Invasion of the Brain Beast

I’ve know that Ant’s been working on a story for the past two weeks, but beyond that, I knew little. The boys (K was supervising and helping when Ant got stuck) kept the story line close to their chest. It was a surprise, especially for me.

Then, I received an email this afternoon, during lunch time. I laughed so hard I snorted Dr. Pepper through my nose, and then promptly emailed it to all of my co-workers. 

The email said:

Here you go.

That was Ant’s voice in writing right there.

Any similarities between any fictional characters or Brain Beasts to that of real life people or Brain Beasts is merely coincidental.

And that was certainly K.

The following story was attached to the email, proudly (yet slowly) typed out by Ant in Word, after writing and editing a first draft version by hand in his journal. He proudly told me about learning how to copy and paste when I got home on Friday evening. I just thought you might like a little taste of what it's like to be the mother of these two boys... Plus, I promised Ant I would share it here.

I'll admit, I thought the main character a fantastic imagination until
I realized he was in a cartoon prohibited in our household...

Invasion of the Brain Beast

            In 3030 an alien of unimaginable brainatude was created. The brain beast was created to destroy all humans. The alien scientist created it for a mission. The mission was to be completed in 24 hours or else he would be turned in to a human.

The alien was getting ready to be launched.  His destination was Earth.  He was conflicted about his mission because he liked humans, because they had ninjas and good food.  He would have a difficult time erasing humans because he didn’t know there exact characteristics.

When he gets off at Earth after his trip, he knows he was in the rainforest of South America, because he smelled flowers, fresh air, and rain. “Gnarly ride, mate” said the tourist from Australia when he saw the alien’s ride. “Gracias, Como te llamas?” the alien said. The Australian replied; “Vladmir”. The Australian led the alien back to his house for somewhere to sleep, and then they became friends. 

Because the alien had found a friend, and he had already liked humans before his new friend; he decided to not destroy humans. The alien was going to live out his life with the Australian dude by windsurfing. However, the alien was worried about his mission because he did not want to be turned into a human. Luckily the alien was never turned into a human, because he was never found by his creators.

                                                EL FIN 

Experiencing Technical Difficulties… Please Stand By

We thwarted the last week of June by running off to another state on vacation, and while I briefly hoped that our awesome vacation meant that the bad luck June always brings would be over, I’ve now come to realize that by being gone, we were just delaying what the last week of June had in mind for us-- until the first week of July.

You know it’s hot outside when I start speaking in 65-word long run-on sentences, FYI.

Although, perhaps, I knew deep down inside that I was going to have to pay for those days by the pool, the mild temperatures, and the relatively pain-free drives.

If you’re unfamiliar with how June tries to kill me (okay, maybe not kill me, but certainly annoy me) each year, read this, and this, and then this. Prior years have been even worse. June is my Thebes month.

This year, I’ve been bitten on the leg by a pit-bull (in my own yard), I’ve been stung by a wasp (and had to go on Allergic Reaction Deathwatch 2012), I’ve been attacked by the world’s largest moth (the vermin trifecta!), and I attempted to fix a broken shower with no success. Also, our washer decided to break down (how dare the 12-year-old appliance require maintenance. Sheesh!), but that didn’t make the blog, because I fixed it.

When in doubt, shove a pencil in it. That’s my motto. I bet I could have fixed the shower, if I had any place to shove a pencil into.

This week alone I’ve dealt with broken wifi, an unexpected loss of 3G service in our area (this makes blogging difficult) and massively hot temperatures. All of the creatures in the wild are so hot and thirsty (moderate drought now with burn bans—marching towards water shortages and severe drought throughout the summer) that they keep coming up to our house in an effort to get inside.

Then Ant got sick with a nasty cold. And then sicker, with an amazing cough. And now we think he may have picked up vaccine resistant pertussis in the House of the Mouse.

Then the air conditioning broke last night. It’s currently 99 degrees, and slated to get even hotter this afternoon (104). The heating and air guys promise to show up sometime tonight. Yeah, tonight.

So the tales of our awesome vacation and the associated pictures? Yeah, that’s going to have to wait. If I were to brag right now, the universe would up the ante, I’m sure. Plus, I’m busy having a very warm pity party for myself right now.

Do you have an unlucky month? Are you currently affected by the drought, the power outages on the east coast, or were you flooded out during the tropical storm? Are you starting to think that maybe the Mayans were on to something?

Guest Post: Let The Summer Games Begin!

If you've never checked out Sprocket Ink (I'm sure none of you have neglected to do this) before, you're missing out. Vinny writes some of the funniest posts, and frankly, seems to control the media niche on technologically advanced Japanese toilets.  To which you might say, "So what?" and to which I would respond, "Do you not know ANYTHING about Japanese toilets? If you did, you would know how complicated a matter reporting on them can be!" You can also read Vinny's blog As Vinny C's It. I strongly suggest the post where he tried to bring an end to mankind...  

First, let me say thanks to Sarah for letting me blog-sit for the day. As you may already know, she and the family are off on a covert mission that may or may not involve having to save the world from an evil organization that wants to take over the world with the help of an army of bath-salts induced zombie slaves well deserved vacation. While she’s away I’ll be one of writers holding down things here at the Casa.

  

We’re here to talk summer this week. It’s the time of torrential showers, flooding and... what? What do you mean warm and sunny..? Oh, my bad. Did I mention I live in Trinidad and Tobago, in the Caribbean? Here we only have two seasons. It’s either sunny or rainy and by the time summer rolls around for you guys, it’s already the rainy half of the year here. But the sun is greedy and usually buts in on the rain’s time too, so there are still plenty of trips to the beach or the pool. Just, around these parts, that can also be any given Saturday, or Sunday, or Tuesday if you skip out on work...

Living in the warm, sunny tropics where there are only two seasons one may be thinking, “What do you know about summer? You have no business being here! FRAUD!!!”

But that’s where you’re wrong. The fact is, “summer” has existed here for a while now. The kids are out of school, store displays change from dresses to bikinis, the sales figures for hot pants quadruple. Heck, a lot of people here have been calling this time the “summer vacation” for a while now (I think it’s a marketing thing).

Anyway, now that I’ve established my credentials, I’ll proceed. Contrary to popular stereotypes, we in the Caribbean don’t always have the luxury of lounging around under a coconut tree all day (Which, by the way, I don’t recommend. Ever been hit on the head by a falling coconut? I have. It hurts like a mofo). We slave away in beige cubicles too, sadly, and this is the setting for my favourite summertime activity, which actually takes place well before that time of year hits: the summer vacation showdown.

I’ve worked at a few places over the years and one thing I’ve noticed is, for parents, getting their vacation scheduled for this time of year is something of a big deal, so they can spend time with the kids while they’re home from school. Not yet being a parent myself, I’ve never gotten that same sense of urgency regarding when to schedule any vacation time, but I’ve been paying attention. Coming up to whenever whatever company I was in began receiving vacation requests, the atmosphere always changed. You know in those movies when there’s an eerie quiet before all hell breaks loose, then there’s complete pandemonium with screaming, machinegun fire and bombs going off? That’s the feeling.

That summertime vacation slot is a cherished prize to working parents. Most companies only allow one or two people from each department to go on vacation at the same time. That way there’s still someone there to do the work. So when the time to schedule vacations comes around you see a lot of shifty eyes peeking over partitions Meanwhile, the smart supervisors will post a member of the security staff in front of their office... preferably in riot gear.

To get that slot, normally seniority in the company gives you the edge. After that, it’s the brown-nosers, and, if there’s still a chance after that, it’s first come, first serve. Of course there are several ways to guarantee you get the coveted summer vacation slot and I’ll share few tricks I’ve observed being used over the years. They’re what I call the three “B’s”.

- Bargaining: Sometimes simple concessions are all you need. You can earn the summer vacation by agreeing to take on extra work. Maybe even wash the boss’s car a few weekends.

- Begging: Abandon all pride and go straight for the heartstrings. Tell your boss you’ve spent so little time with your young ones that they’re calling the TV “mommy” now. A tried and true method is the old “But I already spent my entire bonus on those plane tickets and they’re non-refundable!” excuse. Don’t be afraid to let the tears flow.

- Bribery: Not to be confused with bargaining. This requires you to resort to more desperate and/or unethical exchanges. For example, while I’m not advocating infidelity, what do you think the Mrs will understand more? You “working late” just this one night or the sad sorrowful look in your children’s eyes when you break your their hearts by telling them, for the third year straight, you all won’t be taking that trip to the magical kingdom after all.

If vacation schedules are already posted, fear not. You can still have a chance. Just use those same tactics on the lucky recipients. Your chances are slim in this case, but I’ve seen it pay off. So there’s still hope.

I laugh now but one day the wife and I will have children of our own and then we’ll have to join the fray. But fair warning to anyone coming up against us, we don’t fight fair and we play for keeps.

Thanks again, Vinny, for guest posting in my absence. And, you were close in your speculations about our plans, but it's actually more in line with spying on Putin (Pilates, anyone?) in an attempt to get a hold of that zombie ray gun he's developing.  

Readers, what have you done to ensure time off from work? is your boss supportive (like mine) or do you have to plan an attack?

Guest Post: Five Ways to Make the Most of Your Vacation

I'm on vacation! Currently, I'm relaxing at some exotic undisclosed location (okay, it's the couch) but I'm working hard at avoiding work, or fixing things, or basically moving. I know. It's awesome! Today's guest post comes to us from Jules, who you can find at Michon Michon and also at Sprocket Ink (she's one of the co-founders of SI, after all!). You'll notice in this post there's a theme-- summer vacation-- which will carry on throughout the guest posts this week!  

Happy reading!

Let me begin by saying that I am a traveler. I love to go on vacations. I have excellent luck with plane flights (as in running to make them and boarding at the last possible moment, no lines at check in, hardly any flight delays, etc.) And yes, I am knocking on wood right now. I'd hate to jinx the flight luck. But I love to see what is out in this great big world of ours. I enjoy going to historical sites and if there is some place to go hiking, I will definitely be there. Hubby does not enjoy vacationing so much. To him, it seems like "same stuff, different city." To make vacations a little more fun, we have some rules that we've set for ourselves. 

1. If possible, stay at a historical inn, bed and breakfast, or any place other than a chain hotel. On the first two nights of our honeymoon out west, we stayed at a hostel. Granted, it wasn't the most romantic place, but we met some interesting travelers from different countries, we saw some amazing sunsets, and we were very close to the Grand Canyon for dirt cheap. We were out west for two weeks. We never stayed at a chain hotel. We got to know the area and people a lot better than if we had. And we went to places they recommended. Tubing down the Rio Grande outside of Taos? Absolutely!

2. Eat at locally owned restaurants. We do this most of the time even when we are home but it is a must when we are traveling. We generally ask the people at the front desk, other restaurants, and friends where we should eat. We've never been disappointed. And we've found some hidden gems. We once stayed at La Posada Hotel in Winslow, Arizona. This is one of my favorite hotels ever. Gorgeous, historical and with an amazing staff, we really loved the time we spent there. We asked them where we should eat. They told us to go to the Winslow airport. The Winslow airport is a small airport. Inside, there is a restaurant that serves extremely good food. We'd never had known about this place if we stopped at the first place we recognized. 

3. Get to know the history of the place you are visiting. Many people go to places to just lie on the beach. That's a great way to relax. Hubby and I get bored after about an hour of doing that though. We've made it a mission to get to know the history of the places we're visiting. Yes, we are the people reading all of the signs in the museum. One of the most special places I've ever been to is in New Mexico. I fell in love with Santa Fe instantly. We were told that we had to take the drive from Santa Fe to Taos, where we were staying, using the back roads. I'm definitely glad that we did. Along the way is a little town called Chimayo. In this town is a church known as El Santuario de Chimayo. Not only is it a gorgeous place, but people come from all over to get the Holy Dirt that is found there. On the side of the church is a little sanctuary. People leave pictures and items of their loved ones in need of healing. Then they get a baggie of the Healing Dirt to take with them. We still have ours upstairs in our bedroom. Across the way from the church is a little store and restaurant. It's called Leona's Restaurant de Chimayo. If you go there, you have to get the tamales! DELICIOUS!  

4. Do something you don't normally do. When we went to Mackinac Island in Michigan a few years ago, we rented bikes and spent the day biking all over the island. We exercise, but we don't usually bike. So this was a new and fun way for us to spend the day. When we went to San Antonio and Austin in 2010, we made sure we were on Congress Bridge for the bats. If you've never heard of this or seen this, it's quite a site. I'm not that fond of bats, but with the warm weather, beautiful colors in the sky, and excitement in the air, the emergence of the bats was definitely worth seeing.  

5. Don't cram every minute with things to do. When I was a kid, we took a vacation every year. The trips were always packed full with no downtime to breathe and enjoy each other's company. Hubby and I make sure that when we travel, we leave ourselves time to nap, sit outside with a cup of coffee, or spend an evening with a bottle of wine and each other. Not only does this make the trip less stressful, but it gives us a time to reconnect. Wherever you are going this summer, I hope that your trip is fun, relaxing, and adventurous!

Thanks Jules, for guest posting! I love all of your recommendations for having a wonderful vacation.  Now, readers, tell us what makes a memorable vacation for you in the comments!

Guess Where I Am, or Will Be, or Whatever… Nevermind. It’s Too Much Work

That’s right. I’m at Cheesy Bloggers today! Go forth and read (or re-read) my post on the Summer of Non-fiction.

Or you can read the articles I wrote for Sprocket Ink this week. I wrote about Adele saving the life of a child, and also how you can survive when Summer attacks you or the month of June wants you dead.

Given that the month of June seems to want ME dead, I am taking the rest of the month off (with my boss’s blessing. I think she’s afraid it may spill over to my co-workers). That’s right. No work. No writing. No housecleaning, even. Me: parking my butt and enjoying a week of summer, the way it should be; the way it was when I was a kid. I’m sure you understand, right? Or perhaps insanely jealous.

I’ll be reading. Because it’s summer. And there may be some pool time. And I’m sure they’ll be stories and pictures once I return.

In the interim, however (aka, next week) I will have guest posters, thanks to my lovely fellow Sprocket Ink writers! The theme is summer vacation, and I think you’ll like what they have to say. I know I’m looking forward to your responses to their posts!