Three Reasons Why I am Awesome & My Kids are Not

This should come with a subtitle: The Summer Vacation Edition. Because, let’s be honest—we’re cool. Much cooler than our kids think. Much cooler than we may think, from time to time. There are WAY more than three reasons why I’m cooler than my kids. Today, however, I’m only talking about the ways I exceed them in terms of summer vacation.

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Yeah. That’s right. I rocked summer vacation when I was a child. I never complained I was bored. I never ran out of things to do. And I never, never, wished the long summer days away for school to start once again! In fact, my birthday (in August) was like the harbinger of death to summer fun. It meant that the following week, we’d have school shopping, and the week after that, I’d be trapped, once again, behind cinder block walls or in stuffy, un-air-conditioned classrooms.

My kids, on the other hand, get moody, whiny, depressed and bored. Trying to keep them entertained or busy is a pain (and it is certainly cutting into my blogging time, sheesh!). Now, the second son is not so bad, because there’s a wonderful summer school program in our school district. He’s rocking science experiments with “real” chemicals (Fourth grade has its perks; baking soda volcanos amongst them) and gunny sack races and frozen grapes for snack and tie-dying his socks (I don’t know, but apparently shirts are no longer in). I’ve got a couple more weeks of sanity from him.

The brooding older one, however... Good God.

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So here’s a lesson to anyone (no matter your age) who deigns to complain about the greatest joy of my childhood: summer vacation. Do you know what I would do for summer vacation now? I’d give a lot for summer vacation, people. It was the one place where I could do what I want, be who I want, and surround myself with the things I loved. So, if you have it, stop complaining! I don’t want to hear you whine the word ‘bored’ again! Let me tell you what I used to do. Distribute freely, and implement into your life and the lives of your children.

1)     You wouldn’t find me inside.

Not even when it was raining. That was just a sprinkler party without someone’s parents yelling at you to stop running up their water bill! As a child, summer vacation meant unstructured days full of whatever I wanted to do. I had this thing, called a bike, and I went everywhere on it. Anyone who had a bike automatically became friends and we rode everywhere as a pack, doing nothing in particular, other than exercising our little butts off and ensuring we would collapse into bed by 9:30 each night. There was also a girl—older than me—who had a pool. A POOL. No matter the age difference, or even the difference in interests, everyone went over to her house in the afternoons to swim in that pool. Nights were spent playing games after dinner- until dark. We perfected freeze tag and hide and seek and red rover. You could have a mass of thirty children in your yard by the time the streetlights went on.

2)     I had no problems finding something to do.

There were these things called BOOKS. I read a lot of them. Narnia, Little House, Anne of Green Gables, and then later Stephen King and Frank Miller graphic novels. I liked books. When I was older, I got access to these things called a telephone and MTV. It played music videos! You could look at Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam at least three times a day! And then talk about him with your best friend on the phone! We had pen pals and would write letters. There were chances to spend the day at a friend’s house. And chances to go to the rec center. Or watch the boys play baseball and the girls play softball while eating snow cones. And chances to spend the week with your grandparents, who would let you eat dessert for dinner and would take you places. When we were older, we could go to the mall, and go to movies, and go and eat Taco Gringo for lunch. I took driver’s ed for an entire month. I enrolled in summer dance classes. My friends and I spent one summer watching the Summer Olympics in their entirety and teaching ourselves to cook (we only caught the kitchen on fire once, than you very much!). If I could find this many things to do, so can you!

3)     I made a killing in the summers.

And I didn’t even have a real job. I babysat, on occasion. I cleaned up yards and mowed and helped plant gardens and did chores and even washed cars. I ran errands for people. I did a kick-ass job so they would ask me to do it again. I learned to play poker and pool, and… may have… had a few small wagers. Or something. Nevermind. Twenty bucks to babysit for the entire afternoon? Ten bucks to wash the car or mow a yard? That shit adds up! It supported my pool, movie, and Taco Gringo habit for the entire summer. I would even save some to buy the school clothes I really wanted at the end of summer.

You see? I was cool. You did these same things; I’m sure of it. You were cool, too! So why aren’t our kids as cool as this? What’s stopping them? I say we hand them a water gun, give them a shove out the front door, and lock it behind them. Turn on the water spicket outside. Tell them that it’s for their own coolness. I will make my children awesome, even if it kills my water bill!