Writing as a Lifestyle

It was still dark both mornings when I quietly tiptoed down the stairs. Before seven. Normal people sleep in on the weekends. I am setting the coffee pot, letting the dog out, starting laundry, and folding the last load. Why am I always comparing myself to these ubiquitous ‘normal’ people? I’m starting to believe that they really don’t exist; that they are made up characters.

There were so many blogging conferences occurring last week, and there I sat, watching it all go down, on Twitter. I cannot commit myself to going to blogging conferences right now (first, there’s this little thing called work, and they often expect me to be there while school is in session), and even if I could, I think I would feel immense guilt in spending the money. New York City? I would love to go—but the first thought that flits through my mind is, “I wonder how expensive those freaking hotels are?”

Who are these people who can afford to go? Who can arrange childcare like ‘that’ and like to fly and can walk into a room full of strangers and make lifelong friends? Ah, but I’ve waxed on about my fear of these conferences before.

When I go to a conference for work, I have no trouble putting myself out there. It’s expected. I also know who I am and what I intend to do while I’m there. With my writing, I’m not so sure. How do I put myself out there, feeling as vulnerable as I do about what I want to be, what I want to write, how I want to grow? Do I want my own domain? Do I want a customized design for my blog? Do I want advertising? Do I want to make a career out of writing? I’m good at what I do now—and it is very fulfilling—but there’s this little part of me that says, “But what if THIS is what you are supposed to do?”

So I do a handful of chores in the quiet pre-dawn and pick up the living room, and survey my surroundings, and try to get myself into the mindset to write. This is the time that I have. If I’m going to do it, this is what I’ve got. It’s difficult. I am a person who usually has to try to take advantage of inspiration when it comes my way, and inspiration likes to screw with me. Inspiration strikes at one in the afternoon on a Wednesday, while I am at work. By the time nine o’clock rolls around that evening, and I actually have the time to do something about it, inspiration has disappeared again. It’s likely off giving ideas to someone who actually has the time to interact with it.

One of the tweets that came across my feed last week said that “Writing is a lifestyle choice.” Is it, really? Perhaps, for some it is. Not for me. My way of life is being an employee, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a friend. The vast majority of the time each and every one of those roles come first. How does one go about making writing a lifestyle when the writing must always occur on the fringes? I cannot be the only one with obligations. I can’t be the only one who refuses to cast those obligations aside, even momentarily. I think that saying it’s a choice in lifestyle is a copout. I think it’s like saying, “Either you’re all in, or you’re nothing. Choose.” I think it’s similar to some of those few bloggers who think the ‘amateurs’ are screwing it up for the rest of them.

In other words, I think it is rude and dismissive to say that writing is a lifestyle choice. Writing, to me, can only be one small part of the overall life you create, and I think that’s okay. I think that’s perfectly acceptable—and if you find that balance—the one that works for you—that’s the ultimate goal! Not to convert your life over to one line of inquiry; one quest. To embrace all of the different aspects of your being, to show off the facets that make you a multi-dimensional person.

I hope it sounded better in the context of the larger conversation that was being had. I hope that the overall message was inspirational and creative, because the one little tagline that came across Twitter countless times this week did nothing to foster the writer in me. Instead, it made me feel nominal. Yet, I refuse to believe that I cannot be a writer because I cannot dedicate my lifestyle wholly to it.