The Jane Austin action figure: Oxymoron

Update Below!

In that first year of marriage, which I think is always the rockiest, J and I came to an agreement. It came after the ‘realization’ that we had absolutely nothing in common (untrue), and that we had different priorities (again untrue), and the secret fear that we had made some huge mistake in committing ourselves for any significant period of time (now resolved).

We decided that we had the right to force the other to participate in things that we liked, as long as it was equal. There were a few things we could outright veto, but as long as it was reasonable, we had to participate in each others interests, and celebrate our differences.

This means that I have to watch Nova and Modern Marvels on occasion. I did veto pottery class—since being creative artistically—a challenge for me under the best of circumstances—while in the presence of strangers is just not going to happen for this girl.

He vetoed going to the ballet, but will watch Masterpiece Classics, such as Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. He is also required to discuss the movies with me.

Marriage is all about compromise, people. That, and forcing your spouse to do things that they do not enjoy. This can be applied to housework, too.

No need to thank me for the marriage advice. You’re welcome.

We were watching Jane Austin Regrets the other night, and due to this missive, he was wide awake and I believe he was actually enjoying the back story. If not, he was making a good show of it. The programming on PBS was so good that night because it’s donor drive time.

Another thing you need to know about me is that I am sucker for donor drives. J is less, um, enthusiastic. It’s not that he disagrees with the premise of supporting things like PBS; it’s that he doesn’t believe we are yet in a position to dedicate a chunk of our resources to philanthropy. Conversations usually go like this:

Me: I would love to be one of the big donors for the Missouri Review! I love the idea of receiving a lifetime subscription!

J (and please envision the snarkiest J voice you can): Sure, hon. Do you mind if we place that on the priority list right under getting a new car?

Me: Gosh, I really want to call in to PBS and commit to a year’s worth of giving. I think it would set a good example for the boys, and they really need it right now, with the federal budget cuts. Plus, I would love to have the complete set of (insert whatever gift they are giving here).

J (again, envision my snarky, snarky husband): Sure, hon. Right after we pay off your student loans, okay?

This, until he saw the Jane Austin action figure. Yes, there is one, and yes, if you call in to PBS right now during one of the movies of her novels, you too can get a Jane Austin action figure.

J must possess the Jane Austin action figure. He’s spoken of it several times during the past four days. He is obsessed. Except he doesn’t really want to let me know that he wants the action figure. He keeps trying to sell me on Austin herself, which is a waste of breath.

J: You know, everyone applauded Austin for knowing romantic love during her time. Then they applauded her for her social commentary. Now they applaud her for the way she constructed her novels. No one ever talks about how smart she was, how witty her works are. I think that this was the recognition she wanted, and nearly two hundred years later, we still do not give it to her.

Me: You’re thinking about the action figure again, aren’t you?

J (feigning surprise): What? NO!

He totally is. 


UPDATE: Jesse posted on my Facebook about this post earlier this week, and I had to share!

Jesse: Buy him one and I'll bring over my stuffed Dickens and we can have a tea party.

Sarah:  You have a stuffed Dickens? That's fab! I'll tell him that you would like to have a tea party.

Jesse: Doesn't everyone have a stuffed Dickens?

Sarah: Alas, I do not possess a stuffed Dickens! Apparently I was neglected as a child.

Jesse:  I'll bet you don't have a Poe bath toy either, poor thing.

I told Jason about this conversation, and he is totally psyched. He’s looking forward to a tea party. He’s especially excited about the British-ness of it all—where he can say “Cheerio” and “Pip! Pip!”

That’s the wonderfulness that is my husband… And Jesse needs a publicist...