A Contest: The Spam, It Keeps On Coming

I know, I know, the blogging has not been much over the past few weeks. Being a basketball mom, and also winning that grant (Remember the grant? Remember the large quantities of chocolate and wine I consumed during the seven weeks I worked on writing the grant proposal? Yeah, we won that puppy! Hooray! Oh, wait… that means I have some more work to do…) has kicked my butt.

Despite the fact that I haven’t written anything in weeks, there’s one thing that hasn’t changed at all on this blog. Something that you don’t see. Something that occurs on the back end of things. Something that requires nearly constant attention. That something? It’s the spam comments. Oy, the spam comments. I think this is how we know we’ve made it in the blogging world.

It seems as if as soon as the spam comments started to disappear in the Twitterverse (I don’t know exactly how they fixed those spam bots, but let me know, Twitter, how I can express my gratitude), they started popping up on my old blog posts. By the dozens. Each and every day. Most of them are boring. Most of them don’t even register on one’s consciousness. And then… then… there are the spam commenters who up their game. Dramatically.

In the course of one day a few weeks ago, I received one who graciously complimented me on my blog, and then in the very next sentence told me that I was a horrible writer because my post titles. The next sentence directed me to their site to buy Chinese tobacco. Wait. What? Say that middle part again?

The next one I deleted was a post-length story about how the spam commenter’s daughter had recently found a seashell on the shore, held it up to her ear, and then proceeded to be pinched by the resident hermit crab in the shell. The detail given in the story (which they just had to send to me, so that SOMEONE would know the story) was astounding. Then I was directed to buy their Chinese Viagra tobacco. Because, one should feel multicultural when smoking something that may require them to seek medical attention in about four hours.

Reading these comments prompted me to immediately go to the Facebook page and ask if anyone was interested in judging a spam commenting contest, and also, what the appropriate prize for one who wins such a contest. Of course, SPAM is a natural fit, but frankly, I’m unwilling to even purchase a can of SPAM in the store, much less ship it to someone as a prize. So, I’ve had to come up with something better. As lance pointed out, spam backwards is maps, so I could give maps as a prize. Nope, I didn’t like that one, either. Or I could give the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs as a prize (they have Maps as a song title, as do the Fray and another band—The Front Bottoms—whom I’ve never heard of), but sending a CD as a gift seems to be assuming a lot about your musical tastes.

So, I’ve decided that I want to make some coffee mugs, Zazzle-style. And what better way to reward the winner of the best spam comment than with a mug that says just that: 

 Then I had to make a t-shirt, just for fun:

  

This Zazzle thing could become dangerous... But, I digress… So, let’s talk about this contest, why don’t we?

The rules: Starting today, you can enter the contest with the best/funniest/weirdest spam comment you’ve ever received on your blog by commenting on this post! Share the link to this post with all of your bloggy friends, so they can compete as well! I have a panel of judges (I know! It’s like it’s official or something! A panel!) who are going to be judging your entries for the next week (through next Tuesday night). Then, next week, I’ll announce the winner, and any honorable mentions. I’m betting we’ll have some honorable mentions…