Just Don’t Let Your Husband Switch it to the History Channel…

It tends to happen at this time of year, every year. My husband, who is a manager in retail, is working long and hard during those holiday retail hours. I am at the end of the semester. Tensions are running high. And this leads to some …’heated’ discussions. Well, heated isn’t exactly accurate. Maybe irritable is more like it. Nit-picky, perhaps. I’m searching for synonyms here, and I’m coming up with crappy ones…  

We get on each other’s nerves. People get on one another’s nerves, especially if they live in the same household. And that’s okay. It’s just a normal part of marriage and adult life. We avoid it as much as we can, until we have to go through it, then we take a five minute break, and move on with our relatively peaceful lives. It also keeps us from punching other people in the mouth—those who may irritate us in our public lives.

Marriage is taking out a day’s worth of aggressions in a nitpicky fight with the person you love more than anyone else in the world…

Me: Has that Christmas tree been on all day?

J: Yep.

Me: Well, thanks for not burning the house down!

J: I do my best.

What's scarier: His hair? That he's on that show?
Or that he gets speaking engagements?

At this time, J turns it over to the History Channel. Which is his non-verbal way of goading me. Because I cannot stand the channel that hosts Ancient Aliens.

Me: Oh, hon. It’s time for Parenthood.

J: There are other TVs in this house, babe.

Me: But I like THIS TV.

J: I like this TV, too.

Me: Are we seriously quibbling about the TV like the children?

J: Yep. We are. And you’re the one who started it.

Me: Well, technically you started it when you changed it!

J: And now we’re quibbling about who started the argument like the children do.

Me: Why aren’t either of them interjecting themselves to break this fight up like we do to them all the freaking time? You’d think they’d know how by now!

J: I guess we’ll have to manage ourselves, ourselves.

Me: Well, let me show you how I am going to manage this awful turn of events.

At this point, I grab my book, commence to ‘reading’ and making increasingly louder “harrumphing” noises at J’s History of Mankind viewing.

You know what, Ancient Aliens? The pyramids and the wall were the good stuff!
Sometimes we screw up too! or did the aliens make this as well?

 J: I don’t understand why you are so upset about this. It’s not Ancient Aliens!

Me: No, it’s just Columbus ‘discovering the new world and changing the face of humanity!’

J: That’s not what they said! In fact, they’re agreeing with you with all of the things you’ve ever told me.

Me: Are you kidding me? They are purporting that Columbus knew full well that he wouldn’t reach the Indies but wanted to find some new indigenous people to enslave for some extra cash?

J: Well, no, but they did talk about the whole smallpox disease thing. And then they talked about the Pilgrims.

Me: Great- John Smith and all that crap.

J: Well, they also shoot over to India and China.

Me: India and Indians? Are you sure? That’s sounds awfully confusing for the channel who thinks aliens invented the pyramids because they’re just too hard for humans.

J: You know what, kid? You are getting on my nerves!

Me: Same here, babe. SAME. HERE.

J: I don’t even know why you are upset with me! How did this even start?

Me: With you not turning off the Christmas tree! Where have you been? 

J: you are going to totally blog this crap, aren't you?

Me: Well, you're the one who's always saying I should blog about you MORE!

J: Great! 

Me: Do you do all of this to just get me riled up?

J: Absolutely.

Let me point out—in about five minutes, we were fine again. I think it had a lot to do with J turning the TV over, agreeing to watch Dr. Who reruns, and bringing me toasted Blueberry Poptarts.

Which, again, is how marriage works. 

Do you bicker with your significant other  over trivial things to let off steam, or is this just us? Be honest-- I'd totally not be surprised if it were just us! And is there anyone else in the world who hates Ancient Aliens as much as I do?