Repeat Week- Tales of a Super Dog

Welcome to day three of repeat week! I’ve reintroduced you to the Nana, and Jasonisms, and now….

It’s Super-Sophie’s turn. This is the dog who I KNOW can see in color, since she hates (and by hates, I mean fears) all things green. Including trees. And grass. And the refrigerator magnets of that color. You cannot even imagine what decorating for Christmas is like…

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Tales of a Super Dog

 

It’s not easy being a big, black, misbehaved dog.

We were a little concerned when we first moved. It was uncertain how Sophie would handle the new digs. Granted, she’s young, and an indoor dog, and very much part of the family. The pack would be there with her, the pack’s things as well. It’s just that she happens to be neurotic.

It’s not enough to call her neurotic. To understand the full depths of her neuroses, one must describe some of Sophie’s life.

Sophie thinks the kitchen table is her domain—her secret cave. She hides there in the new house, just as she did in the old. It is the touchstone of her secret power. This is all to say that she gets very angry when you approach the kitchen table.

You know, like when you plan to eat, or something.

Also, Sophie does not understand why we continue to place socks in the hamper. The hamper is not where socks belong, in Sophie’s world.

Where do they belong? Under the table, of course.

She also does not like to eat food over her bowl, or over the tile, for that matter. She prefers to eat her food over the carpet, so that I can vacuum afterwards.

Sophie really wants to play with other dogs in the neighborhood. She is really friendly, when there’s something like glass, or a fence, or a TV screen separating her and the other dog. Once they are close enough to sniff, however… Well, we think that she’s afraid that she will be confused for a dog if she associates with other dogs.

When Sophie is angry, she turns her back to you. When she finds you to be boring, or not following her directives, she shakes her head from side to side, flapping her ears. When she thinks you’re being an idiot, she cocks her head to one side and gives you a withering look.

See- you have a better idea of her now, don’t you?

The worst thing about the move for Sophie was completely unexpected. We got a place with two stories, and well, at the old house, Sophie was scared of stairs. Read: In over two years at the old house, Sophie did not go downstairs. So, naturally, we thought the stairs would be a problem. Secretly, I thought this may keep her out of our bed, so I was a tad bit excited.

She mastered the stairs on the second day. The draw of the bed was enough to overcome her fears.

The worst thing about the move for Sophie has been the cat. Not our cat. J has severe allergies (think immediate respiratory inflammation and gasping for breath) so cats are not an option. The cat in question is a resourceful old Tom who doesn’t really belong to anyone in the neighborhood. He doesn’t need to belong to anyone; he’s doing just fine on his own, thank you.

He likes hanging out around here. He likes the willow tree in the front yard. He likes the neighbor’s trash. And he likes tormenting Sophie through the front window.

Tom: Oh, hello! Me? Are you barking at me? Why, I’m just a little kitty, sitting in front of this tree here! I think I may need to wash my face. Oh, and now I feel the need to preen, just a bit. That’s better. A stretch, now, and then a claw scratch on the bark of the willow. What? Am I BOTHERING you?

Sophie: BARK, BARK, BARK, Whine.

Tom: I’m sorry; I can’t seem to hear you through this glass. I’m going to come closer now, and you just speak up. I’m going to stand within two feet of your window, certainly in your pack’s territory, and you just bark loudly, and maybe we can understand each other.

Sophie: BARK, BARK, BARK, Whine.

This goes on for hours, each day, and that’s just what I can account for when I’m home. How does one remove a resourceful old Tom from your neighborhood? How do you convince him to move along? Well, you don’t. He can’t be caught, cajoled, or swayed in any way. He’s very resourceful. It has fallen to us to learn how to change the inherent behavior of our neurotic dog instead.

Wish us luck!