The Birthday Party Conundrum

Picture by Will Clayton

I never worried about birthday parties for Ant before we moved here. All of my concern was reserved for K—who has a summer birthday. Having a summer birthday myself, I’ve always felt for him; I know that summer parties are an uphill battle. Of course, K is “too old” for such trivialities these days, but we did have success with the neighborhood kids when he was younger—back in the Lou.

Ant was born right smack in the middle of the school year, so I always assumed that we’d have no trouble with birthday parties for him—and we didn’t before we moved here. Living in the Lou, where there were a multitude of options and a big focus on the celebration of your child’s birth, we attended tons of children’s’ parties and held our own. Yes, there were plenty of Bounce U trips and gym parties and Chuck E Cheese and all that—but most of us picked a theme, bought a tablecloth, made pizza and cupcakes, invited kids and their parents over to the house, sugared up the kids, and called it a day. It was a great way to get to know the other parents (who always stuck around for a beer or coffee), and no one had any major qualms.

Long gone are those days-- it doesn’t work that way here. I’ve tried this approach twice now, and Ant’s selected classmates rarely, if ever, show up. I know that it’s not that the children don’t like my child and don’t want to attend—although convincing him of that on party day is an exercise in futility—especially when they tell him that they want to come or plan to come. I know, deep down, that parties are not such a big deal here, that options are limited, and that these parents just don’t know us like the parents in the Lou did. It wouldn’t be such a big deal for Ant if he hadn’t experienced six years of the exact opposite.

We’ve never been invited to a house party here. I don’t think they exist. The few parties the boys have been invited to have been major affairs in a public venue. One party K attended wasn’t even on his classmate’s birthday—it was held at the end of the year and I think the entire grade was invited. It was held at a rented out park.

I can handle feeding, clothing and educating my children with ease. I can coordinate dental appointments and extracurricular activities and work schedules. I cannot, however, find the time or the motivation to join the PTA or be a room mother or the holiday party planner or field trip volunteer. That limits my ability to get to know these parents and what they do. Or to schedule things with them and their kids.

I want Ant to have an awesome birthday—so, as I prepare for Ant’s birthday next month, I know I have to try something new: the big deal—the drop a shit-load of money and have it somewhere-- party. But, as I said, options are limited. Ant will be nine, so no little kid things, like Chuck E Cheese, will do. He’s a boy, so horseback riding and pottery classes are out. I could have a bowling party (popular in the Lou), but if I’m concerned about the fact that someone got shot in the parking lot there last year, I bet others are too.  This leaves me with three options: the movie theater party (assuming something will be playing), the Going Bonkers party (like Chuck E Cheese on steroids, it actually gave me a three day headache when I took Ant to one party there), and the pool party at the indoor pool at the ARC.  Which is clearly the winner-- in both Ant’s and my mind-- and the most expensive.

Oy.

Just the thought alone makes me want to curl up in a ball and call a couple of other moms and beg them to allow their children come over for a sleepover to placate Ant’s birthday party desires. Except sleepovers are not that popular here, either. And there’s no school directory—and since no one has landlines anymore—you can’t even look them up in the phone book. Damn technology.

So, what do I do? Do I go through with the whole shebang? Do I try (likely in vain) to redirect a nine year old to something else? Do I bribe him? Or the parents? Are we trying to infiltrate a clique and I’m too socially inept to catch on to that fact? Do you have any advice for me?

In other words, HELP!