Imperfect Parenting Guest Post #2: Because I Said So!

Our second guest post on imperfect parenting comes to us today from Steph, who writes Musings of a Sarcastic Mind. If you have not yet visited her blog, you absolutely must do so. Immediately! Well, read this post of hers first, and then head on over there. I think she and I are long-long sisters, sharing an affinity for smartass-ness, Doritos, and Snuggies. Also, best relationship advice, ever. It’s like she knows my husband. In fact, this relationship advice is so good, that I read it to my husband, and he tends to agree with her. Now tell me the last time your spouse agreed with you on anything!

Admit it parents of the world, you’ve used this line.  Probably more often than you’d like to fess up to…. The dreaded “I’ve become my parent moment” when you use the time-honored, frustrated-parent, standard reply of, Because I Said So.

When I was a newbie momma, I swore I wouldn’t use it.  I was all, if my wonderful, angelic, practically perfect child ever asks me “why?” I will get on her level and explain my reasoning so she understands my motivation and respects my decision.  She’ll respect me and I’ll respect her and I’ll win at Mommy of the Universe and we’ll have the healthiest relationship EVER.  Isn’t that what all the feel good child development experts say to do, give your kids a rationale to your answer?  Don’t they say that we shouldn’t automatically raise our children to think all adults deserve respect and not to be questioned because there are often bad adults who make bad decisions?  That kids should have full and detailed explanations so they can learn life lessons every single day?

That’s all good in theory, and likely the truth (what do I know, I’m not a child psychologist.  I did take psych in college but skipped class probably once a week minimum, so that’s a strike against me in the field of therapy right there), but when you’re faced with your bajillionth (YES it’s an actual number) snot-nosed, whiny “WHY???” of the day, you have no urge to go into a self-esteem and parent-child relationship-boosting discussion.  It’s because I freaking said so, that’s why.  I’m the parent.  I’m the grown up.  I pay all the bills and cook all the food and clean all the poop.  I clothe the little bodies and make sure they have what their little hearts need and often don’t need, but simply desire.  I’m 33 frigging years old.  I have stretch marks and a crooked csection scar and I’m the mommy therefore it’s because I said so. Why do we need to always justify our answers, which are quite often no because that’s the answer that gets all the “whys” to our children?  Shouldn’t they learn that sometimes, you just have to follow directions?  That life isn’t always fair?  That sometimes we have to just grin and bear it?  That your parents have the final say?  Otherwise, we find ourselves raising generations of entitled little brats who want the world handed to them on an iPad (because platters are SO 1980s) that they don’t have to work for.  Wait.  We’re already in that boat, aren’t we?  I don’t want selfish entitled kids.  I want healthy and happy kids who still like me at the end of the day.  A “because I said so” here and there won’t hurt them, I don’t think.

I think if I had to sum up my imperfect parenting advice it would be this: to do the best you can, take it day-by-day, do whatever you must to not totally screw up your kids, don’t be so hard on yourself, and it’s perfectly ok to be imperfect.  Also, it’s not technically wrong to take the best candy out your kids’ Halloween candy buckets.  You’ve lived longer, eat the good chocolate.  Because I Said So.