The Trials and Tribulations of the Tooth Fairy

Picture found at Pixie Princess

You may have asked yourself where the heck I went. Since returning from vacation a couple of weeks ago, I’ve been living under a rock. First, it’s much cooler under a rock than one might imagine. It’s freaking hot outside! Plus there’s no hope of rain or getting temperatures back below the mid-nineties for at least the next ten days—so being beneath the rock for the foreseeable future is optimal. Also, I’ve been living under the rock while attempting to complete massive amounts of to-do list items at work. Currently, I’m wrapping up a class, working on two more for the fall, planning a large event, coordinating course scheduling, creating promotional materials for a conference in a few weeks, etc. Being under the rock and away from Twitter and the blog gives me a slight chance to complete all of this work in a timely fashion.

Sigh. I absolutely love my job, but people who assume that universities shut down in the summertime make me want to scream. It’s the busiest time of the year, I swear.

This all goes to show how much I feel for the tooth fairy. The way I figure it, she’s got a lot on her plate during the summer months. There are plenty of summertime treats children of tooth-losing age can sink those wigglies into, and that means more trips around the world, collecting teeth and presenting quarters. Plus, they are all on summer vacation, meaning that they have more free time in which to wiggle those loose teeth. Next, there’s the oppressive heat and humidity, which I can only imagine makes flying with fairy wings a pain. Then there was the full moon a few days ago, and we all know that the full moon makes crazy things happen. Just ask the Nana, who has worked in health insurance billing for many more years than she cares to remember.

The tooth fairy had not been to our house in years, but Ant has begun to lose those baby molars, and now I suspect she will become a regular in our house of the evenings. Three loose molars have presented themselves in the past few days, and one popped out in a bite of fruit yesterday morning. Ant, ever vigilant and respectful of the tooth fairy, packaged up the molar, wrote a quick note, and later that evening, placed it lovingly beside his bed on the nightstand.

The tooth fairy, on the other hand, woke up in a cold sweat at 3:00am, remembering that she had not visited our house. Her husband could not be roused and was no help whatsoever. In the dark, she rummaged in her bag for the required quarters, snuck into Ant’s room—mindful of stepping on Legos, despite having wings, and quickly realized that the tooth was no longer on the nightstand. Ant has decided sometime during the night to take the more traditional approach, and cram it under his pillow.

As the tooth fairy attempted to extricate the molar from under his head, he stirred, sending her into a panic. She quickly deposited the four quarters, and forgot to snatch up the tooth.  Exhausted and heart pounding, she promptly returned to her own bed, fell upon it, and slept the sleep of babies. This is how I imagine it, at least.

Ant, on the other hand, was vastly disappointed this morning. At first, he could not find the four quarters the tooth fairy had left him, but he did find the tooth she forgot, making him certain that he had been passed up. I went in to help him, and we did find the four quarters—which had fallen out from underneath his pillow and onto the floor beside his bed. The thing was, and Ant quickly pointed this out, there were not four quarters; there were three quarters and a nickel. This, combined with the still-present tooth, has only shown us that even the tooth fairy can have way too much on her plate.

Tonight, we leave the tooth on the kitchen table, so that she need not fly all the way upstairs to retrieve what is rightly hers. Ant has also suggested that we leave her a glass of ice water, since her flying in this heat has impaired her job performance. He hopes that she will be able to leave a note of gratitude in return. I did take his nickel and exchanged it for two quarters, so that she need not worry about that.  I know how it feels to be inundated with tasks—and I am more than willing to help out a fellow woman or fairy in any way I can! She and I have a lot in common, you know.