This is how it is all the time…

J has decided that he is not featured often enough on this blog. He would like me to remedy that, STAT! I gently reminded him that his foul language, innuendos and one-liners could make a sailor blush. He remains undeterred. He goes as far as to give me topic ideas, at all times of the day and night. I routinely reject them.

I can give you a recent conversation from the car. It’s relatively safe. Just so you can see what it’s like…

Radio: …and with Ageless Male… you can increase your testosterone naturally, up to fifty percent!

Me: What? THAT is not natural. Anything that raises anything by 50% is not natural.

J: Yes, I agree. Plus, there are downsides to the social good. We don’t need 80 year old men running around popping wood everywhere they go.

Me: Well, I doubt they are actually ‘running’…

J: Still. Grab a CD; the commercials are driving me crazy.

Me: Do you have a CD in the car that is NOT Mumford and Sons?

J: What? I like Mumford and Sons! What’s wrong with them?

Me: Nothing’s wrong with them, other than the fact that you’ve been blasting it in this car for the past two months now.

J: I do not! I just play it loud enough so that I can sing along and no one can hear me.

Me: I can hear the radio playing inside the car, with the windows rolled up, when you pull up to the house, and those windows are closed. You BLAST.

At this point, I look out the passenger window. We are driving in a residential neighborhood, with older, stately three story houses. As we approach the light, I notice that on the side of one house there is a large chain fence kennel with a camp chair inside.

Me: Do you see this? Why would anyone put a camp chair inside a kennel? Kennels are for dogs.

J: Huh. Unless that kennel is not for dogs. Perhaps that kennel is for people. People like Grandpa.

Me: So on the nice days, they sit Grandpa outside, but cage him in so he doesn’t wander off?

J: Sure! I think the biggest hassle would be getting him the cage. You might have to toss in some beers.

Me: Like you do with the doggie treats, with Sophie, when we put her in the bonus room because of the company?

J: Exactly.

Me: Would you threaten Grandpa with the leash as well?

J: Maybe. You can’t have Grandpa wandering off. Especially if you haven’t been able to cut off his supply of Ageless Male.

Me: Where are all the darn CDs that aren’t Mumford and Sons???

I am digging through the glove box, the console, and the door. I finally come up with Phoenix’s new album. Success! Something cheery!

I cannot repeat here what J said or did that ruined this album for me, forever. I can tell you that involved car dancing.