So the question is what I should charge…

I am the finder. I’ve been trying to deny this for quite some time, but the fact is I am what I am, and people know it-- no matter how much I might protest. It’s time that I embrace my innate ability, and find out what people are willing to pay for my services.

I do not have any other superpowers. I wish I had a cool superpower; something that would get a girl noticed, like flying. Something that could have a positive impact on all of humanity, like curing disease or making food appear. Or maybe just a better sense of humor. I would like to have that as my superpower too. I don’t have any of these superpowers, though—the best asset I have is the ability to find things.

Boy, do I find things.

Sometimes it’s nice—like finding a $20 in a parking lot. Once I found a bank error in our favor! Sometimes it’s rewarding in the snarkiest way possible—like finding the obscure journal article a professor once told me didn’t exist and absolutely didn’t say what I reported it said in class. Sometimes it fulfills my innate, undying curiosity or voyeurism. Sometimes finding things can be handy—like when you find the close parking space in the chock-full grocery store parking lot (People often want to take me holiday shopping with them). And sometimes it’s annoying as all hell.

Like when you are the one to find the missing Legos pieces. With your bare foot. In the dark. Or when everyone has come to the conclusion that they could save themselves a lot of time and trouble by just stopping their search when it starts and coming directly to me.

Almost everyone in my world now knows I am the finder. People at work ask me to find things—and this doesn’t bother me because 1) they pay me to perform other duties as assigned, and 2) I like my job and the challenges that finding things can bring. Friends ask me to find things as well, and this is fine because my friends are like-minded individuals, and I enjoy helping them out. Plus, they don’t ask all that often. The people who bug me when they ask me to find something—and it happens regularly--my family.

Take the illustrative case of the MP3 player. Ant wanted nothing more for Christmas than a music player. He was obliged, and frankly, he’s handled it well. He has a few songs, most of them abhorrent to his parents and his older brother (which makes the MP3 player well worth it), but the one thing he does is drag that sucker everywhere and then forget where he’s left it.

Cue pleading with Mom to help find it.

In the most recent episode I did not cave, at least at first. I want the boys to learn how to find things on their own. I want them to know that I am something more than my weird sense of where things may have been misplaced. After 45 minutes of the THREE of them searching everywhere in the house (and making a huge mess) I finally caved. I walked into the den, took a look at the desk, and picked it up. Less than 45 seconds. I am not joking.

Today, while at work, J texted me, asking me where his missing wallet may be. He doesn’t even remember when he saw it last. This bugs me to no end because 1) It’s your freaking wallet! With credit cards and insurance cards and your driver’s license! 2) I am at work. How do you expect me to find your missing wallet at home when I am not even present?

Let’s just say that the text exchange that ensued was not pretty, and leave it that.

The prospect of finding the wallet reminded me of all of the finding I do—this weekend alone I will find all of the dirty laundry scattered around the house. I’m sure someone will ask me to find their pants (a really common occurrence, I kid you not). I will find the time to find all of the deductions on the taxes. My bet is that I will find out too late that the bathroom has run out of toilet paper, or find that the dog has been in the trash again (her new found passive-aggressive pastime when I won’t allow her to go outside and bark at the neighbor dogs).

So instead of resenting it, or grumbling about it, I am going to embrace it. I am going to find acceptance in being the finder. Except for when it comes to pants. Those are some survival skills the children need to develop. 

P.S. I totally found the wallet. BEFORE I GOT HOME! K is taking all the credit, but I told him exactly where to look, and had been on the phone with him for less than a minute when he found it. Hello, my name is Sarah, and I'm the finder! I give free estimates!