Inquiring minds want to know

If people would consider bathroom issues more often, I would be apt to find their storylines more plausible.

Take The Walking Dead. Somehow, I had missed the show when it originally aired, so I was very excited to watch the marathon of season one last Friday. This, in spite of the fact that it lasted until 2am, that I had been sick the whole week prior, and that the prospect of staying up past 9pm seemed daunting, to say the least.

The show is fantastic, don’t get me wrong. I don’t even mind the gratuitous violence as much I as I thought I would. I do love a good ‘end-of-the-world’ story. I just have a hard time accepting the zombie apocalypse, in general. Aliens, super-volcanoes, deadly viruses, mass coronal ejections? Sure. That makes sense to me. Hungry zombies on the search for human flesh? Not so much.

It all comes down to poop. How do they go to the bathroom? They are dead. Some of them no longer even have the bits needed to do the deed. Where does all of it go, if they get the chance to, um, eat? If we gave zombies a cow, would they eventually explode? Do they EVER get full? And why are they even hungry in the first place? Will they DIE if they don’t eat? I don’t think so.

Since I was a child I’ve always wondered why they never mention silly things like bathrooms in stories. I know it’s not really a topic for polite company, but it is important. We all want to know. Especially in zombie stories. We NEED to know how these things work, people! How else can we ensure that they will be defeated?

So, I’m thinking on it. I’m on the case. I invite you to do the same. The makers of these shows will thank us, I’m sure, if we can come up with the solution to this age-old problem.

Someone’s got to do it.