Legendary



K does his best Maynard
James Keenan impression.



We were suffering from some serious cabin fever. Cleaning, laundry, errand running— things were getting done, but nothing was really cutting it. They boys were restless, I was cranky, and I needed to come up with something to do, and fast.

Birthdays are pretty darn important in our family. Ever see that commercial where the parents are like “If we can get him to ten… to fifteen, to eighteen”? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Woohoo! We got them through another year! I love celebrating the boys’ birthdays—having parties, baking a cake, making treat bags. J loves to cook a meal of their choice for their birthday dinner.

Ant’s birthday is coming up in less than a month, so I decided a good diversion would be to take the boys to the party store, so that he could get ideas about what kind of party he wanted for the big zero-eight.

Notice that you can pick up
this classic for $.93!

 The party store isn’t quite as I remember it… I seems a bit more, hmmm, dire? Ominous? Violent?

It started with the plastic handcuffs that K found in the party favor section—you know the one—the bins filled with cheap toys that you can get for a quarter, and get ten apiece, so that you can dump them right into treat bags. Except these handcuffs actually came with a key… A key? Really?

Then K found the x-ray vision glasses. Then our trip to the party store became a scavenger hunt for the oddest things you can possibly imagine…



These might come in handy with
the zombie apocalypse...



In the midst of their search for oddities in the store, they started to realize that just about anything could be construed as violent—the words LOVE and KISS glued onto stakes?

They were having a blast. I was laughing my ass off. They called the night “legendary”. That is how you know you’ve been watching too many reruns of How I Met Your Mother.

By the way, my children summarily reject the idea that the actor who plays Barney used to, in my teen years, play a 16 year child prodigy who was a doctor. That is just not acceptable to them. There can be no such thing as Doogie Houser, MD. I keep searching for those reruns on TV, but can never find them. They think I’m lying.




Yeah. Got nothing except,
"Wow!"



By the time we got back into the car, with x-ray vision and fire glasses in tow, Ant was on a role, “Do not make me angry, or my fire eyes will destroy you! Destruction will fall upon your village!”

Oh. Wow. Okay. Um. Perhaps we should find a less violent party store?