Getting back on the Wagon

Before the holidays, I had lost 25 pounds. It took several months (about 4) to get to that point—which was fine, since for me, weight loss is not a race and I have no impending deadline in place (no high school reunion, or thing of that nature). In fact, whenever I’ve tried to lose weight with a deadline in the past, it backfired on me in some of the most horrific ways. One of my close friends says I’m a rebel—and I think, in this case, at least, she’s correct. I would get so very angry as the impending date/goal (oftentimes unrealistic) approached, and I would sabotage myself, because I hate being told what to do—even when I am the one telling me what to do.

Nevertheless, I did not want to backtrack on several months’ hard work, and I did not want to lose any ground.

I knew the holidays would be hard on me and my weight loss goals. Not only is there all of the holiday food—which happens to be my favorite foods, all tied up into one month of overconsumption-- but the additional things that take up your time—shopping, holiday parties, and the like, to keep you from exercising on a regular basis. I also know that the end of any semester can be a tad stressful, and I did not want to add another thing to my list—only to feel inadequate at doing all of these things, and then backslide.

So I made a hard choice. I decided to put my weight loss plans on hold. I would try my hand at maintaining my weight from Thanksgiving through New Years, still eating moderately and exercising when I could, but I would not feel down on myself. I would not set up the expectation that I would stay on the same trajectory while doing all of these other things.

For me, it worked. I did not backslide. I did not gain any weight. I’ve only had minor fluctuations in my weight during this period of time—usually just a pound or two. I didn’t lose any weight either, but that’s okay. I know now that I can maintain my weight effectively—without strenuous effort-- even during the most temptation-riddled time of the year.

I also know now that I can be happy with two slices of ham, or a small helping of cheese and crackers at a party, or I will live if I only eat two fun size pieces of candy out of the boy’s Christmas booty. I would have never believed this was possible.

Now, however, it is January 2nd, and it’s time to get back on the wagon. It’s time to start exercising again (which will, hopefully, also improve my mood during the next few weeks, as I impatiently wait for spring) and it’s time to start eating healthy (and not just in moderation) again. It would be nice to lose another 25 pounds during the next four months, but I’m not pressuring myself. I continue to take it slow, and just see what happens.

The things I have learned about myself during this time have amazed me. I have learned that while I come from a family history (on both sides, no less) of overindulgence, but I don’t have to follow that path. I’ve learned that I don’t want to be skinny so much; I want to be strong—not bodybuilding strong, but strong enough to do whatever may be required of me in the future. I have realized that exercise, when done correctly, does not hurt your body, but makes it feel better—oftentimes getting rid of the aches and pains associated with my desk job . I have learned that spending 45 minutes exercising every other day—away from the boys (and therefore, with some peace and solitude) and with my music loud-- is good for my emotional self.

Weight loss has become, for me, so much more than seeing the numbers decrease on a scale. I feel healthier, I look healthier, I can do more things now than I could before, and I want to continue feeling this way. It makes it so much easier to stay on track than I ever would have expected.