Cautionary Whale

Last Thursday, the Today Show did a feature on the MTV show, Teen Mom. The show has become wildly popular, and the cast can now be seen in the grocery checkout magazine racks across the country. As the television series has gained popularity and viewers, critics have come out, stating that the show is inappropriate; that by making the cast celebrities, we are glamorizing teenage pregnancy and parenthood. We are sending the wrong message to teens who tune in to the show.

I suggest those critics watch the show. I know I have. I don’t really think there is anything glamorous about it.

Sometimes J gets frustrated with me for this fact. He doesn’t understand why I want to watch the show in the first place—he doesn’t understand why I think it is important, or why I feel the pull to tune in. He asks me, over and over, “Why do you want to relive that? Why don’t you just leave it in the past?”

You see, I was a teenage mom. I guess you can say that I still am. It never goes away. Even when you turn twenty, you still have a four year old, and everyone sneaks glances at you when you walk down the aisles with your kid, or when you go to the preschool open house night. When you turn thirty, and you are junior high orientation, the other mothers stare at you in disbelief. You can almost hear them thinking, “Why does she look so young?”

It’s because I am that young. Yes, I am still the cautionary whale.

Most of the people in my life know this already. My family. J’s family. Friends from high school and college. Some of my co-workers. But if you didn’t know it already, I had my first child 6 weeks short of my 17th birthday.

I also dropped out of high school and got a GED. Yeah, I’m that girl.

I don’t go around broadcasting it to everyone I know, for my son’s sake. I don’t keep it intentionally hidden, either. Frankly, I don’t really care if others judge me or see me in a negative light—I am proud of how far I’ve come since then.

Those were some hard days. They were definitely not glamorous. Still, I am proud of them.

I was 16, and pregnant, and realizing that there were a whole shitload of decisions I would now be responsible for. I dropped out of high school, took my GED, the ACT, got a good scholarship and some student loans and went to college. I rocked a pumpkin seat with my foot while I took notes in lecture halls. I went in to take essay tests with a preschooler who had a fever and coloring books. I had amazing friends and supportive professors. My mother made sure I had one night a week child-free, to spend whichever way I chose.

I then went on to get married, have another child, go to graduate school, buy a home, and pursue a professional career.

Teen Mom shows the lives of four women and their children. There’s some you hate and some you root for. There’s the couple who gave their child up for adoption, deal with the emotional ramifications of that decision, and their not-so-supportive parents. There’s another woman, trying desperately to go to college and work while dealing with an ex-boyfriend who is no longer the center of her world. Another deals with the fact that her romantic ideas of marriage and family are just not based in reality, and another who has realized just exactly how lonely the responsibility of raising a child can be.

One is currently in a custody battle, one is current thousands of dollars in debt after being scammed, one is completely reliant upon others around her, and the remaining couple is in counseling.

Does that seem glamorous to you? I tend to think it shows a pretty accurate picture of how much parenting can suck, and how much teen parenting can really suck.

I am going to give you an opinion that you may not like. I think this show is providing something that teens need right now. I think it provides the opportunity for parents to discuss teenage pregnancy with their children, if they sit down and watch the show together. I think that it presents a rather accurate presentation of the trials and tribulations that teen parents face. I think it presents something that is not openly discussed in our society today—in a country where the vast majority of sex education does not include discussions on birth control and the huge push towards abstinence only policies in high school sex ed curriculum is not on par with over sexualized society in which our teens exist.

I think the show points out that we need to have open, honest discussions with our children about teen sex and pregnancy, and stop hiding from the issue because it is uncomfortable or embarrassing.