Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A Contest: The Spam, It Keeps On Coming

I know, I know, the blogging has not been much over the past few weeks. Being a basketball mom, and also winning that grant (Remember the grant? Remember the large quantities of chocolate and wine I consumed during the seven weeks I worked on writing the grant proposal? Yeah, we won that puppy! Hooray! Oh, wait… that means I have some more work to do…) has kicked my butt.

Despite the fact that I haven’t written anything in weeks, there’s one thing that hasn’t changed at all on this blog. Something that you don’t see. Something that occurs on the back end of things. Something that requires nearly constant attention. That something? It’s the spam comments. Oy, the spam comments. I think this is how we know we’ve made it in the blogging world.

It seems as if as soon as the spam comments started to disappear in the Twitterverse (I don’t know exactly how they fixed those spam bots, but let me know, Twitter, how I can express my gratitude), they started popping up on my old blog posts. By the dozens. Each and every day. Most of them are boring. Most of them don’t even register on one’s consciousness. And then… then… there are the spam commenters who up their game. Dramatically.

In the course of one day a few weeks ago, I received one who graciously complimented me on my blog, and then in the very next sentence told me that I was a horrible writer because my post titles. The next sentence directed me to their site to buy Chinese tobacco. Wait. What? Say that middle part again?

The next one I deleted was a post-length story about how the spam commenter’s daughter had recently found a seashell on the shore, held it up to her ear, and then proceeded to be pinched by the resident hermit crab in the shell. The detail given in the story (which they just had to send to me, so that SOMEONE would know the story) was astounding. Then I was directed to buy their Chinese Viagra tobacco. Because, one should feel multicultural when smoking something that may require them to seek medical attention in about four hours.

Reading these comments prompted me to immediately go to the Facebook page and ask if anyone was interested in judging a spam commenting contest, and also, what the appropriate prize for one who wins such a contest. Of course, SPAM is a natural fit, but frankly, I’m unwilling to even purchase a can of SPAM in the store, much less ship it to someone as a prize. So, I’ve had to come up with something better. As lance pointed out, spam backwards is maps, so I could give maps as a prize. Nope, I didn’t like that one, either. Or I could give the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs as a prize (they have Maps as a song title, as do the Fray and another band—The Front Bottoms—whom I’ve never heard of), but sending a CD as a gift seems to be assuming a lot about your musical tastes.

So, I’ve decided that I want to make some coffee mugs, Zazzle-style. And what better way to reward the winner of the best spam comment than with a mug that says just that: 

 Then I had to make a t-shirt, just for fun:
This Zazzle thing could become dangerous... But, I digress… So, let’s talk about this contest, why don’t we?

The rules: Starting today, you can enter the contest with the best/funniest/weirdest spam comment you’ve ever received on your blog by commenting on this post! Share the link to this post with all of your bloggy friends, so they can compete as well! I have a panel of judges (I know! It’s like it’s official or something! A panel!) who are going to be judging your entries for the next week (through next Tuesday night). Then, next week, I’ll announce the winner, and any honorable mentions. I’m betting we’ll have some honorable mentions…


  1. I've probably deleted funnier ones, but in re-reading my old spam comments just now:

    I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be delivering the following.

    unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.
    Here is my web page...

    I think my spammer was either drunk or having a seizure.

    1. I would certainly agree. That, or Google translate wasn't doing them any favors!

  2. What I liked about this spam is that it could almost be true if it hadn't been left on my weekly round-up of links that opened with a photo of my daughter doing artwork while sick. I mean, I guess I could've hidden away all her markers and duct taped her to the couch to force her to rest (http://www.lateenough.com/2013/01/my-daughter-the-sick-artist-plus-enough-links-for-your-weekend/). Damn that spam for calling out the blogging community:
    Submitted on 2013/02/07 at 12:38 am

    The next time I read a blog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this 1. I mean, I know it was my selection to read, but I essentially thought youd have some thing fascinating to say. All I hear is actually a bunch of whining about some thing which you could fix if you werent too busy looking for attention.
    nike free run

    1. THAT is awesome! 'Here, let me knock you totally and completely in my comment, and then have you check out my fake Nikes.'

  3. I loved up to you will obtain performed right here. The caricature is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. however, you command get bought an shakiness over that you want be turning in the following. in poor health surely come further until now once more since exactly the same just about very steadily inside case you shield this increase.

    Anything that starts with I loved up to you is a win in my book!ha ha!


    1. I'm going to try to work that into everyday conversation from here on out: "I loved up to you"...

  4. This one is my favorite:

    "Do you have a spam issue on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; many of us have created some nice practices and we are looking to swap strategies with others, be sure to shoot me an email if interested. Feel free to visit my webpage : wohnungen in bodrum"

    I like how the spammer tries to lure me with sympathy over my spam problem and invites me to visit his (or her) nonsensicallly-named blog.

    1. That is awesome... "Let's talk about our respective spam problems after i spam your blog (and you look at my website, of course)!" Sheesh!


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